What is Faith?

Trust.
Acknowledgement.
Praise.

We could all agree with these words and argue these words. B is first to agree because he is a man of great, unwavering faith. I am first to argue because I struggle with faith.

It has taken me many days to post some amazing news.
Why?
I don't know, but I do know.

Is God still God no matter what I say on this blog? YES!!
Can His plans still be accomplished no matter what I believe? YES!!
Why do I hold back like I can jinx HIM?
I don't know, but I do know.

What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all!...Romans 3:3-4

It all goes back to those first few words:
Faith.
Trust.
Acknowledgement.
Praise.

When B came out of anesthesia and I told him that he had cancer, the first words out of his mouth were, "Cool, this means I get to be a cancer survivor!" He lives his life as such. He believes as such. Each time I find a small lump on his neck and want him to get it checked out, he walks in faith. I worry.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. Romans 12:3-8

B's #1 spiritual gift is faith, mine is mercy. We learned this in our pre-marital counseling. We also learned that last on my list is faith and last on his list is mercy. So, the Lord provided a perfect compliment in gifting each of us with the other.

Each minute that I go without a seizure, I wonder when the next one will occur...as much as I don't want to ever have another. I guess that's what having 10-15 per day begins to do to you. So, through this journey, long before I actually received a diagnosis of seizures (Tx law requires six months seizure free before you can drive), I said my goal would be to go back to work when I had gone at least seven days without any "episodes" . Twenty four hours was pushing it. On high dose I.V. seizure meds, four days was the longest I had ever gone without a seizure.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5: 1-5

We went to the hospital a few weeks ago in hopes that the docs would find that the seizures were on one side of my brain & maybe just spreading to the other. Then, they could go in and remove that portion of my brain where the seizures were starting. However, what they found was the exact opposite of their hopes and ours. They found that not only were my seizures on both sides of my brain, but that they are occurring in a location that they can't pinpoint. Thus, they can't remove. They are also very active on both sides of my brain and so removal is considered impossible without permanent impairment. Even the docs left the room choked up knowing they couldn't do anything to help.

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power. 1 Corinthians 2: 4-5

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

So, despite much hope, the docs knew there was nothing they could do to cure my seizures. I had many seizures that Sunday. Then, the following Monday, the 10th, went back into surgery to have all of the leads removed.

For those of you that are ready for me to get to the point of all of this, the amazing news!!! I started typing this on Tuesday, the 18th; at which point, I had not had any seizures since the 10th. There is no explanation for this, this is the longest I have ever gone without a seizure. Medicine and man can not explain this. I have tried to come up with explanations, trust me. It has been almost three years since these started and this is the longest I have gone without a seizure! Can I get a PRAISE THE LORD?!?!?!

I didn't want to blog about it, afraid (as I mentioned earlier), that I might "jinx HIM."

Yesterday afternoon/evening got away from me and I wasn't able to finish this post. After dinner, I had a very intense aura that felt like it was going to progress to a seizure. I was so frustrated. I turned to my precious hubby and shared my frustration that I didn't want to blog about it, afraid this would happen. He did an amazing job of reminding me that this doesn't mean I'm not healed, but this also doesn't mean that God isn't still in control and worthy to be praised!

I was telling B about this post on the Larsen's blog. He mentions Jesus calming the storm and how in each of the gospels, Mark is the only one that mentions that Jesus is asleep in the stern on a cushion. Can you see how relaxed Jesus must have been? He's supposed to be down there manning the boat, directing it, yet He is asleep, on a cushion. What?
...A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" Mark 4:37-41

So, here is the difference between B and me. I am shocked! Wow! Jesus is resting on a cushion, yet He still loves me and is in control. He wakes up, takes over, calms the storm, once I go down into the stern and scream, "hello, we are about to drown, Jesus!" B reads it as, Jesus is resting because He knows it's okay. He literally told me he didn't understand what was so big about the cushion. I love my hubby's faith and his trust in our Savior. I still struggle daily, but hope to continue learning from him.

B continued to share with me that maybe this is something someone needs to hear. My confusion, my ramblings, my hope and prayer for no more seizures. I did a lot of reading yesterday. So, I try to blame it on that as we have found that I have more seizures the more I read. I love to read and feel that I owe an apology to all of my English teachers when I struggle to read now....Anyway, I am finishing this post incase someone needs to hear/read these ramblings. May your faith and mine increase. May we see Jesus asleep in the stern on His cushion and know that all is as it is supposed to be...

A little more scripture that I need to read:

The Withered Fig Tree

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:22-25

The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!" He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you. Luke 17:5-6

And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who touched my clothes?"
"You see the people crowding against you," his disciples answered, "and yet you can ask, 'Who touched me?' "
But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
Mark 5: 25-34