And He said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

Friday, December 8, 2017

A post that brings me great joy!!

December 8, 2006-December 8, 2017-This is the 11 year anniversary of a day that I love to celebrate!!! 

December 8th... A day that I rejoice in...

Please rejoice with me and praise the Lord for all that HE has done for my hubby!!!!

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Our Hankie is Home

Well, today was a tough day.  Is it because we are traveling?  Yes, that added to it.  However, it’s tough because our sweet Hank is home with the Lord now!  He’s not been doing very well the last few weeks.  You might remember that he was diagnosed with cancer, lung carcinoma, about nineteen months ago.  They told us not to expect him to live very long.  However, B did his research & learned that Noni Concentrate decreases the size of lung tumors better than chemo.  As well, he learned that mushroom powder can help the immune system considerably.  All of that to say, he survived much longer than expected!!  His life expectancy was even shorter with chemo.  The vet told us in April that whatever we were doing, to keep it up. 

So, the last few days he’s not been moving much at all.  It seemed that his back legs were no longer working. He has stopped eating.  Last night was especially rough as we were up all night with him.  He would cry out in pain (our best guess), then we would move him a little bit & he was a bit better for a few moments and then it would happen again.  Then, he started to “get sick.”  So, many loads of laundry were done last night & this morning.

The sweetest moment for this Momma was seeing her little girl love him so well!  We have a “dog bed” that I made for our first four-legged kiddo, Tucker, that passed away at about eighteen months old!!  She went and got the bed, laid Hank on it, & then covered him with a towel.  She spent most of the morning, just loving on him & talking to him.  It was beautiful & brought me to tears.  I love her heart!!

 Mom was going to keep all three of our pups & hers!  She is superwoman and can balance most anything.  However, she agreed with B that it made more sense for him to go to the vet & be boarded so that he could be watched by them much more closely than she could.  So, we took him to the vet.  Once Dr looked at him and heard about last night, he said that it would be mean to cause him to suffer much longer.  So, we decided to let him go to Heaven.  One of the hardest decisions to make.  I kept asking our vet what he thought & again, he stated that he wouldn’t cause one of his to suffer like Hankie Poo was…so, we all got to love him, hug him, cry over him, and tell him how precious he was to us.  Then, we got to hold our little man as he went to Heaven!!!  Isn’t that where all dogs go….?  It was hard, but our vet was so sweet, as was his staff.  They were so sensitive to our tears, needs, etc.

So, when we get home it will be much harder as our sweet little man won’t be there.  We are going to miss him considerably.  So, please pray for those of us still here and for our other four-legged kiddos as they will miss their brother, too!

Monday, November 6, 2017

Happy Birthday to My Prince!!!

Today is my Prince's day of birth!!  He doesn't post it on fb or anything like that.  Thus, many do not know!!  However, this man deserves to be celebrated today!!  If you ask me, he deserves to be celebrated every day of the week.  He is the first man in my life that keeps his word, loves unconditionally, and keeps his covenant to the Lord and man!!!

There have been many men that have come into my life and been incredible role models, etc.  However, not one has done it all, except for my man, my gift from the Lord!!!  What a rockstar!!!  All men should desire to be like him!

When your wife is dying, you could leave...we've seen many family members, friends, etc., that have done this...while their spouse is in the hospital or as soon as they are out, they are told that they require too much work.  However, he blesses me by telling me that he's never seen loving me as work.  Existing seems like work to me, yet he loves me through it all with such an incredible and generous heart!!

He missed two months of work to be by my side, to make sure that I was cared for...
As many of you know, his work is commission only.  Thus, two months without pay to keep his word, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer...
Something else that  I love about this man (and that can drive me a bit crazy, too) is that even though his job is commission only, he still looks out for what's best for his clients!!  He could propose the ideas that will make the most money for our family.  However, he does what's best for his clients.  He is such an honorable man!!

Have I told you how much I love him?!?!?!  All men should want to be like him and all spouses should want to love like him.  I sure do!  I pray that I can love him as he has loved me, yet without him having to be ill!!

If you will all celebrate his day of birth with me!!  If you have his # or e-mail, please reach out to him to show him how much you care about him & admire him, too!!  If not, and you want to reach out to him, send me a message and I'll share his contact info with you!!  He's in a meeting all day and so he might not be able to answer, but he will still feel the love through messages, etc.

Thanks for making sure that my man, my gift from the Lord, is blessed today!!!

Monday, September 25, 2017


What does it feel like?  What does it mean?  I could give you Webster’s or Wikipedia or google’s definition.  However, instead I will give you mine.  With the way that I feel, my guess is that you might see my picture next to the word invisible.  Ouch, I’m being honest, huh?

Despite all of the precious love from each of you while I was in the hospital, now that I’m out….
If you recall, I was in a coma; thus, I don’t recall each of your visits.  As a matter of fact, I have to keep asking B who came to the hospital, who called, etc.  Since I’ve been out of the hospital, out of a coma, I don’t seem as valuable.

I can start the feelings at home.  Apparently, my little one cried for Mommy while gone, but now that I’m here, nothing.  Yes, she’ll occasionally give me a hug and tell me she loves me, but it’s when she wants to, not when I ask her to do something.  You’d think I wasn’t speaking at all.  Yes, my voice is still hoarse.  However, she has acted this way when I have a voice, too.  The assumption is that she looks forward to family time because she gets excited when we talk about it, plan for it, etc.  However, the other night in the car, we’re all about to start singing a song together that is super fun and she asks me to stop so that she can sing by herself.  Ouch!  To most that might not hurt; however, when you don’t feel like you get to be a Mommy anyway, each chance matters.  This was an opportunity for us to share a special song about being a light to a dark world, yet I was asked to not participate.  So, yes, the tears were flowing…my daughter didn’t want a Mommy…was my interpretation. 

So, as you might guess, my view is through a different set of lenses than most of the world might look through or maybe I’m just being extra vulnerable by sharing.  My lenses are that of a grown woman that used to have a job that “required” her to be out talking to people and driving all over Tx all day long.  I was constantly surrounded by people.  I felt important.  When I walked in a room, people noticed.  I was respected by healthcare professionals.  Now, I am stuck in the house most every day.  Sitting behind a computer that can cause seizures since reading & writing are both triggers for my seizures.   I would love to sit & write thank you’s to those of you that have gone above and beyond, yet it typically brings about seizures.  Thus, there’s one more way of reaching out into the world that is removed.  Healthcare professionals see me as the patient, not the one coming with info.  Thus, I am asked to be quiet.  Though we have learned so much through this journey, they don’t care to listen to me.  They will listen to my man, but not me.

I’ve not had the opportunity to drive in nine plus years.  Just to realize that I need something and quickly run to the store.  It doesn’t get to happen.  To know that my 20 yr reunion is coming up and I’d love to go find an outfit to wear since I’ve not been shopping for clothes in quite a few years, but I have to ask for a ride and then ask someone to wait while I try stuff on or only have a few minutes to look because they need to be somewhere else as they are doing me a favor by taking me.  Even to take my kiddo to school.  She prays this almost each night, that God “will heal Mommy so that she can take me to school.”  Ouch.

Okay, so I’ll clean the house if I’m home all day, right?  Well, first, physical activity is a big trigger.   That being the reason that when in public I’m typically in the wheelchair or a motorized scooter at the grocery store.  I love the lines left in the carpet that vacuuming makes.  So, it would bring me so much joy to get to vacuum all day long (okay, I might eventually get sick of it).  However, that is a bunch of physical activity & it’s a lot of noise.  Many sounds are triggers for my seizures.  For example, the blinker in the car can be a trigger.  If music is too loud or at the Friday night football games when they sound the train horn or whatever that loud noise is, I have to plug my ears, or else.  Books on tape/audio books, that would be fun.  However, there is something about the octave that has been a trigger for many years each time that I’ve tried.

Even at church…we have an amazing church family!  However, we sit where we do because of the sounds.  Too close to the speakers and we have seizures.  Too close to the instruments and we have seizures.  Too far away and I don’t feel like I’m a part of the service.  Also, there is a lady that has always had a tambourine, but she sits on the other side of the sanctuary.  So, we’ve been in the same spot for about six years.  For some reason, the last three weeks, she has come over to the other side of the sanctuary and I have to leave during worship due to the pain it causes.  The first week, I just stood in the hallway during worship as I don’t want to interfere with her worship either.  Last week, one of the pastor’s wives saw me in the hallway and asked what was going on and went in and shared with the lady & asked her to stop.  We were at the last worship song by the time all of this happened.  So, I made it back in for one song.  Today, she started banging it and I rushed out.  Ben got one of the ushers to ask her to stop.  Instead, they moved her to the balcony.  So, I came back in…then, it started again, so I had to rush back out.  If you’ve been around me much lately, you know that me and rushing don’t work well together as I am typically shaking, out of breath, and completely exhausted, and likely to have a seizure after rushing.  Turns out there were two ladies today with tambourines.  Thus, I was outside in tears most of the morning.

Back to cleaning the house as this would be fun and there would be a sense of accomplishment.  Most of the chemicals that we would use to clean with, even the more natural ones, when touched, breathed in, etc., can trigger seizures.  Thus, if our house gets clean, that is on B’s shoulders and I can’t be in the house.  So, there’s one more thing I can’t do and one more thing that I have to add to his plate.  I can do laundry, though.  So, there is my outlet a couple of times a week.  However, once I unload the dryer, the standing to hang items, fold sheets, etc., requires help.  Or, I’m just too exhausted from walking from the bedroom to the laundry room, unloading the dryer, switching the clothes from the wash to the dryer to be able to complete the task.  Thus, much of the laundry remains laid out on the table, needing to be folded or hung.  This is frustrating as I was raised to finish what you start.

Another example is in public, namely the grocery store.  It is amazing how many people seem to think that the motorized carts have their own lane and we should get over the fact that they are shopping on the same aisle.  First, most stores do not make their aisles wide enough for the carts to turn easily.  So, if there is someone on the aisle that I’m trying to turn on, I have to wait until they’ve moved completely out of the way.  Second, they aren’t as easy to maneuver as one might guess.  Putting it in reverse, causes a beeping that hurts so badly and typically triggers a seizure.  Thus, forward is the only direction that I can go…It’s amazing how many people that are up and walking with their cart seem to guess that I would prefer to move out of their way in the big motorized piece of equipment rather than them taking two steps backward with their cart so that I can make it past them.

It is truly amazing the dirty looks that I get when coming down the aisles.  As if I have chosen to be in the motorized cart to inconvenience them.  Do they really think that I would intentionally ride in one of those carts and try to get in their way?  It sure seems that way.

Let’s try Miss P’s dance class.  When we get there and I’m on the walker, the Mom’s like to remain standing or sitting where they are.  The fact that there is a woman trying to walk through with a walker doesn’t seem to faze them.  Many will actually turn around and turn their back to me.  Thus, my feeling invisible.  Just because you turned your back to me doesn’t mean that I didn’t see you.  It hurts.  Then, needing a place to sit while there.  I’ve actually had to go out to the car a few times because no one will share some space on a bench.  B can stand in there & he will give up his seat for anyone.  However, if I’m not there early enough to claim it, I have to sit outside in the car.

To live in a community that we’ve been in for 30+ years, it hurts to be in town and see people intentionally turn their back so that they don’t have to look at me, acknowledge me, etc.  Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household.”  Mark 6:4 (NASB)  Please trust that I’m not referring to myself as a prophet by any means.  Just trying to comfort myself that even Jesus felt rejection in His hometown.  

Am I saying that our hometown isn’t amazing?  Not at all.  There are so many wonderful people.  Many that have shown tons of love.  Yet, there are also many tough days.  When at the grocery store, at P’s dance class, etc., it hurts to see people that we know and that know our struggle, yet they still turn the other way.  Or, when people ask us to let them know what they can do to help.  I finally build up the courage to ask them for a quick ride to the grocery store and they’re too busy!! 

Maybe many of you feel this way, you just don’t share it.  Maybe I’m the only one.  If so, sorry for taking up your time.  If you do ever feel this way, know that you are not alone, both physically and spiritually!!

Joshua 1:9, “This is my command — be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” (NLT)

Monday, September 11, 2017

What a difference a Month Makes....

With all the natural disaster events that our nation seems to be facing, and veterans returning from war, it seems that today we can all get a little glimpse of what it means or feels like to be shell shocked.  For us, that is what the last month, August, has felt like.  Coming out of a horrendous July with Princess nearly losing her life not just once, but twice has left us almost a feeling of walking on egg shells.  Princess is still continuing to have seizures, thankfully, not near the rate that we were experiencing in July or actually even prior to July.  This has been an answered prayer and we praise the Lord for providing just only 5 seizures that we recorded for all of August. 

We are still trying to balance our schedule between multiple physical therapy appointments per week and multiple visits from a nurse to monitor Princess’ blood levels.  Thankfully, the shell shocked feeling seems to be lessening and we are beginning to get back into a routine. 

Something that I have been able to describe to folks is just how much energy, or lack there of, that Princess doesn’t have.  It is really surprising just how much stamina Princess does not have and that once fairly simple tasks at the house can exhaust her.  Slowly we are seeing improvement, and realize that the road ahead back to full-strength will take some time. 

Another reason that August was good was the fact that Princess and I (as many read) celebrated 14 years of marriage.  We had a nice quiet celebration, and are looking forward to what this year holds. 

Thank you to many who are continuing to check-in and seek updates!  We are grateful for today and are prayerful that September will allow for Princess to continue to build her strength and can have fewer seizures than August.  As of today, we have recorded 4 seizures so far and pray that the Lord will continuing to provide healing!