Haylie update - Dec 13
I am sitting in Haylie’s room as she tries to sleep and I finally have a
chance to give an update. I have to be honest. It has been a really
tough week. Much worse than I was expecting. It is so hard to watch her
go through the pain and side effects of the really strong chemo. She
told me that she hates chemo worse than cancer. She started the last bad
phase of her treatment last Thursday. She was just so sick by that
afternoon. Saturday and Sunday she was just so weak that we couldn’t go
anywhere. We missed all the events we had hoped to make, the Nutcracker,
the baseball Christmas party and church.
Monday was by far the
toughest day for me. We had to go back in for her next chemo shot and
Haylie had simply had enough. She was laying on the couch and I told her
we had to get dressed to go and she looked me in the eyes and simply
said NO. I told her I know she didn’t feel good, but we had to get ready
so we aren’t late and she just said NO again. Y’all it was such a
struggle. She had reached her limit and frankly I was close to the line
myself. It is so hard to force your child to get dressed and get in the
car to go back to the hospital to get more pokes and shots and medicine
that have awful side effects.
We made it, but just barely. I
just had to sit down and pray for strength. I ended up giving her a long
speech about how marathon runners say the last few miles are the
hardest. We are in the last few miles and they are proving to be the
hardest. We are almost there, we can’t give up now because we are so
close to the finish line. I think I was telling it to myself as much as
to her, but it worked. She got up, got dressed and in the car. She
really amazes me. She doesn’t even realize how strong she is becoming.
While we were in the hospital waiting room I nearly lost it while
watching The Incredibles. Seriously, Disney’s the Incredibles. It was
the scene where the Mom was flying the plane over the ocean and they
were being shot down by missiles. I could see the desperation on her
face and hear it in her voice and I felt the same way at that moment.
The enemy was attacking her, just like I felt he was attacking me. At
the last minute, the Mom aborts the cockpit and rushes to shield her
children as the plane explodes. I knew that a mother would do almost
anything to protect her children and she was helpless in that moment. I
felt so helpless too. I felt there was nothing I could do to make Haylie
feel better as she laid there in pain about to get more. When the
Incredibles Mom was yelling at her kids to pull it together, I felt like
she was talking directly to me. It was all I could do to not burst into
tears. I guess Haylie and I were both emotionally drained after being
so sick over the weekend. We are running on fumes again, getting very
little sleep at night because she is in such pain. I think I had about 4
hours combined sleep that night and not much more since then. I feel
like we are back in the newborn stage. We got through the sleep
deprivation then, and God will get us through this as well.
The
rest of the week has been about the same. She is just so weak, but
getting stronger. I found out it is the high dose steroids that are
making her body ache so badly. She finished the last dose for a few days
today so I’m hopeful that she will feel better tomorrow. She does have
Peanut by her side to make her feel better.
We go back to the hospital in the morning for another round of the bad stuff.
😩.
We could certainly use your prayers. I plan on celebrating the end of
this phase in a big way. It will be a huge accomplishment for all of us.
The harder the challenge, the greater the victory. We are almost
there...8 weeks to go.
#HealingForHaylie
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