Let's back track to Saturday. Day 2 of the new med. I woke up feeling a little weird, but nothing too out of the ordinary. Then, while in the shower, it felt like I was starting to have a seizure. However, it never progressed to a complete seizure (as I would define it). However, it never backed down either. I spent the next hour plus feeling super sick, like a seizure was happening, but not really. How vague was that? Anyway, B put a call into the emergency line for the doc because I could barely move. They said they thought I was probably having a withdrawal seizure from stopping the other med so abruptly. The longest seizure I've ever had is about five minutes. So, having one that lasted over an hour isn't good as far as damage done to the brain.
If it had lasted any longer, they wanted me to take some additional meds to try to stop it, but it stopped after a little over an hour. Good thing that it did because Mom and I had promised Congressman Hall that we would help with an event at his house.
It was a fundraising event for the election and Buzz Aldrin was one of the guests/the guest of honor. Not being alive in 1969 when Buzz Aldrin was one of the first two men (Neil Armstrong being the other) to step on the moon, I don't think I went in to the event with the appreciation for him that I left with after the event. What an honor to meet this man that made such a mark in history. I have had a great deal of interest in researching Apollo 11 since this weekend. There are a lot more fun little stories from the day that I want to tell, but don't want to take up too much space here.
Below is a pic with Congressman Hall, me, and Buzz Aldrin.
We also had the honor of meeting Ken Abraham. Mr. Abraham is the author of many books. The previous statement doesn't do his achievements any justice. He is currently traveling with Mr. Aldrin to write/assist in writing his autobiography. Mr. Abraham has also written/assisted in writing (so sorry I don't know the correct terminology for his talent) books for/with Chuck Norris, Neil Clark Warren, Payne Stewart, Joe Gibbs, Joe Foreman, Bill Gaither, Joel Osteen, Flip Flippen (an old family friend of B's-fun connection there), Steven Curtis Chapman, John Ashcroft, etc. The list goes on and on...he is also currently promoting a book he just did, "Billy, the Early Years," about Billy Graham. It was such an honor meeting Mr. Abraham, as well. We had a wonderful time speaking throughout the event. He is a strong Believer and was quite an encouragement in our adoption journey (we just found out Friday that we have been officially removed from the list, lost all of our money, and have to start from scratch in 2012 due to B's cancer-bummer). Maybe he can turn B's cancer journey into a book to bless others some day!!
Below is a pic of me, Mr. Abraham, and Mr. Aldrin.
This is a pic of a sweet friend that I grew up with...we haven't seen each other in forever. We grew up at the same church and went to school together. However, we haven't seen each other much since high school. She has had some health issues and is finally doing better. She was at Hall's house. This is a pic of her getting hugs from Hall.
Final pic is of Mom getting hugs from Hall.
So, Saturday evening, we went to celebrate my b-day with Mom and B. We had dinner, got a cake B had ordered from Baskin-Robbins (yummy!!) and went back to Mom's house to eat the cake. As B and I were leaving Mom's house, I had a seizure that was pretty intense and I had no clue what was going on when it was over. Didn't know where I was, where I had been, etc. Those are definitely the scary ones.The praise is that I went all day Sunday and Monday without any seizures as I define them. I had a bunch of auras which the doctors still call seizures. I'm still able to carry on conversations, walk, participate in life, etc., with auras. I just feel super nauseated and get a little sidetracked. They apparently still damage the brain, though.
We are left to decide between going forward with surgery next week or January. January makes sense logistically because it gives us time to get things lined up and organized. However, I had a really rough seizure this afternoon and when I have those, it makes me want to get in and have the surgery done immediately to move toward relief. We are still waiting to hear back from my company as to whether or not I can maintain my benefits next year which will also play a huge role in our decision.
The sermon on Sunday was about David & Goliath. If you want to hear the sermon, you can click HERE. The basic points (tell me if I'm breaking any copyright rules by typing this, Doug) were:
1. Everybody faces giants, but few really fight them.
2. Real giants taunt you day and night.
3. Giants are opportunities to trust God.
4. Define the HERO before you fight.
What I truly took from it was #4, the HERO must be defined. God must be the hero in this story. Long before the battle has been fought. He must be the hero. I can't be. The doctors can't be. The meds can't be. God is the HERO!!
The other main point that I took was that if you do face your giant, you are going to face opposition and people will try to give you their tools to face your giants read vs. 38-39
That has happened through this, as well. Despite the fact that multiple specialists have said this is the route we need to take, I have had many people tell me that God is going to heal me and I don't need to have surgery for that to happen. At the same time, so many of you have offered unbelievable encouragement! Thank you!
Obviously, this is a tough decision and no one wants to shave their head and have doctors cut in to it multiple times and remove parts of their brain. However, I have realized that it is not my place to define a miracle or healing! Does a man being beaten and nailed to a cross sound like a miracle or healing? Not in my book. Did God want that to be the answer? No. However, it was part of The Answer. It became a beautiful sacrifice that allows each of us access to the Father.
Does my battle compare at all to the cross? NOPE...big NOPE! I am in no way trying to compare what I'm going through to what Jesus endured on the cross. I'm trying to compare how easily we try to create our own definition of miracle or healing. If it doesn't match our pretty picture, then it must not be a miracle or healing.
As I've shared with a few others recently:
*Maybe the miracle/healing is that someone comes to know the Lord through this.
*Maybe the miracle/healing is that some little kiddo won't have to endure three years of seizures in the future because the docs have now seen a similar case and can address it immediately.
There are so many miracles and healings that can come from this that don't fall under our definitions. I want us to all recognize the Lord's incredibly active hand throughout this process and not limit Him to our ideas.
Will you pray with me that we can see His leading and hear Him clearly?
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Meredith, I continue to be encouraged by your faith. I'll be praying for you as you try and make a decision.
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