From Connor's Mommy

I once read that when you experience loss, your heart expands to handle the grief. When that happens, your heart is then larger to grow more, love more and experience more. I guess it seems to be in a raw state and it's alive and open to every sensory experience. It's similar to what happens to our muscles when we lift weights. The muscle tears a little at first, and then it enlarges. Tait and I can relate to this. I definitely feel like my heart has expanded to handle this grief. It is feeling everything more deeply. I feel sadness more and joy more. Excitement and depression are both experienced to a higher degree. My heart is open and ready for growth now. It is craving understanding, wisdom and assurance. I guess because of this, I feel as though I've grown a lot in the last few months.

My heart has learned many things.

I've learned that although God's grace is what spares us from disaster or loss, His Grace is poured out on us even more when we are not spared from the disaster or loss. I've seen several children spared from Connor's fate and yes, God's Grace spared them. But, I can tell you that if He has allowed you to go through the loss, He will sufficiently provide the Grace to go through it. How much more important is His Grace then.

I love this quote below from Dr. Alan Redpath.

"There is nothing-absolutely no circumstance, no trouble, no testing that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to Him, and I accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret, and I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is. That is the rest of victory."

As his hand is on my life, I'm counting on God to bring me through even this to victory. I'm believing his Grace will revive me again.

"You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, shall revive me again, and bring me up again from the depths of the earth. You shall increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side." Psalm 71:20, 21

Please continue to pray for Carson Richardson, as they try to figure out what treatment to try for Carson next. They are looking for a miracle. Also, please pray for our Carson. He broke his arm yesterday at Mason's 4th birthday party! Happy Birthday Mason!

Always believing,
Joy Cruse