Psalm 13

I guess I would say this is where I am today.
Psalm 13
You can click on the link above orthe text is below:

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

You can click on this link to hear Shane & Shane singing this scripture.

Through encouragement from others, I have had to ask myself some big questions over the last few days:

• Are you okay if this never goes away?
• Do you have the faith to wait on the Lord?
• What is holding you back from contentment?

Before B and I started dating, we had each reached a point in our lives and walk with the Lord that we had decided that we were content being single. We weren't waiting for that person to come into our lives. We were just ready to serve the Lord and give HIM glory wherever HE sent us, whatever HE wanted us to be doing for HIM. Well, soon after we both reached that point of contentment, HE brought us together. We each fought it for a bit as we thought we were supposed to be single. Neither one of us had ever even considered dating the other, yet we had known each other for about three years. Then, we saw the Lord very specifically leading us to each other.

I was "encouraged" yesterday by a few people, that the Lord might get more glory out of me going through this battle than if I wasn't going through this battle...that's not the encouragement I wanted. "Your healing (really soon) will glorify HIM," was more what I was looking for on this road. However, B reminded me last night of our contentment in the Lord our last year at A&M and the blessings that flowed (I'm married to the most amazing man in the whole entire world).

So, I want to be content in this, it's just not that easy. I don't want to just "pretend" to be content, with the idea that it will make it go away. I honestly don't know how to get there. I am so tired from all of this and want it to be over so badly. So, the idea of being content with seizures every day (yesterday I had eleven) is hard for me to process.

Prayer Requests:

• B's brother, T. Healing from his surgery.
• B's brother, T. He has a condition in his eyes that requires a cornea transplant or he will be blind. However, someone felt the other day that the Lord was telling them that T will be healed of this and not require surgery. So, prayer for his complete healing.
• That B will continue to glorify the Lord in his career. He is so amazing at what he does and strives so diligently to put the Lord first and it inspires me daily.
• That the Lord will provide me with contentment that, obviously, can't come from my sinner's heart, but must come from HIM. May I open my heart for HIM to move in me and teach me.