Overdue

Howdy!!!

So sorry it has taken so long to provide an update.  Clearly, I have not learned to juggle the demands of being a new parent with the basic demands of life.  Thank you all for your love.  It has been so precious and touching to hear from so many people wanting updates!

I will do my best to quickly update you on all that has occured...

This is us leaving Children's Hospital after P's one week stay.  

She is doing much better.  The outfit was what we purchased when we found out we were having a girl.  It was the perfect outfit for many reasons.  However, it was a preemie size and so we didn't even take it with us to the hospital when she was born.  We just thought it would be special memorabilia.  Well, since she's so tiny, she still fits in the outfit!  Daddy and P also matched quite well!! ; )

Headed to her first doctor's appt.

Stop taking pictures of me!!

At the doc's office.

Can you see her cute onesie?  Her cousin, Kristiana, made it for her!!

P's first outing...all snug in the Moby Wrap.

We had to go to Whole Foods for her first outing after the doc appt. 

to get some of the food that I have to eat.

Snuggling with Daddy!!

P & Daddy got to have some good time together last week, as I was in the hospital.  I had a migraine that kept getting worse on top of being in ketoacidosis.  It is very normal (and actually desired) for me to be in a pretty deep state of ketosis due to the treatment for the seizures.  If I'm not in ketosis, I tend to have more seizures.  However, this kept getting worse and all of the prescribed treatments for getting out of ketosis weren't working.  The final treatment recommended by Johns Hopkins (the hospital doing all of the research on the Ketogenic therapy) is to go to the ER and get a bag of glucose.  My doc called it in...however, the ER was far from cooperative.  They refused, despite us bringing in the literature stating that this is the appropriate treatment and my doc ordering it.  However, they said that I had a UTI and mastitis and that my potassium was low.  Thus, they admitted me.

It was a crazy experience and one that I prefer to not repeat.  Mom and a sweet friend of hers came over to the house while I was in the hospital to help with P as B had to get some work done.  Then, B brought P to the hospital where the lactation consultant tried to teach her how to eat without biting me and drawing blood!  Didn't work...she still bites hard.

My seizures have picked up a bit and I'm very confused and disoriented when they are over...we're trying to uncover the reason for the increase and the change in intensity.  

B travels once a month to Texarkana to see some clients for a few days.  It's usually a great time for me to get a lot done around the house.  However, with all of the seizures I am having, I wasn't comfortable being left alone with Miss P for three days.  So, Mom is watching the house and the dogs and P and I came with B to Texarkana.  Please pray with me that we can quickly find an answer or that the miraculous healing will occur!!!

P discovering her world!!

Even in the womb, she always had her hand by her face!!!

Deep thoughts with Daddy!

More to come...

Homecoming 2

Praise the Lord!  We're headed home.  We received the all clear and should be headed out in the next half hour.  Please pray for our safe trip home as the roads are pretty icy.  Thank you so much for your prayers and we'll update you soon with lots of cute pictures!!!!

KSBJ Radio- God Listens or Dios Escucha

Many of y'all know that we used to live in Houston.  Our time there is filled with great memories.  We were surrounded by great friends, coworkers, a wonderful church and maybe one of our greatest treasured memories is having a little ol' radio station there.  Totally listener supported KSBJ.

KSBJ has been a blessing and moving to the Dallas area we obviously cannot listen to it in the car...that is until modern technology.  Now today, we are able to listen over the internet, through our phone, etc.  PRAISE GOD!!!  It is so good to hear God's word and music and it has been a blessing during our labor and stay in then NICU.

KSBJ's slogan is that God Listens.  We have truly seen a great testimony to this.  Being located in Houston they at times will even translate God Listens into Dios Escucha.  What a gospel message to truly reach out to all folks in the Houston area!  So why am I sharing this and where am I going with this.

Early this morning we were awoken out of our fragile sleep with an Emergency in the room next to us.  At 3 AM the NICU was very alive and alert as a very young hispanic couple came in with their 4 week old who has very similar issues to that of Critter's.  At this very present time, they have just received news that is not good and the NICU is now in a fight to save this little one's life.  Another difficulty is that this young couple has required a translator for all communication. 

So in the hallway we just visibly saw the exchange of this couple receiving the not so good news on their precious joy.  Our compassion just went out to them as we just a few days prior were in the same boat and very confused, dazed, disoriented, etc.  What a privilege to pray for this couple knowing that our God is not a god of race.  Rather, He is a God that truly covers all- no matter what creed, color, or language, He Listens. 

KSBJ's slogan quickly came to mind and while I do not know a word of Spanish, how awesome it was to confront the young father with a firm handshake, big tears in the backs of his eyes, and compassionately share with him, DIOS ESCUCHA!!!  


Please lift up this young couple and their little joy as the docs are rapidly working to save his life.  


PS-  on the far right of the blog and down the page, you can find a link for KSBJ.  Please give a listen if able while you are on your computer.  One song and you will truly see for yourself that KSBJ is a very unique station that is most likely unlike any other station you have heard.  It means so much for us that we continue to support KSBJ financially as we are able.


www.ksbj.org




B and P

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow...

  Here's lookin' at you!!!!  First, PRAISE GOD!!!  Critter is continuing to to amaze and impress everyone in the NICU.  Again, we entered here last Friday with a pretty bleak report.  Her labs were all over the board and pretty much a grave concern was present.  In fact, after entering the NICU, her numbers only got worse....THAT was Friday.

Today, is Tuesday!!!  Pierson is officially 8 days old....LABS ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL....they are talking of not sending us home Friday, but now two days early....Tomorrow.

What a powerful testament to our God and Savior that he hears our prayers and is merciful to answer them!  Critter's number are completely normal and as another added concern was whether or not she could receive and digest M's milk.  So far, she is doing very well and the doctors are amazed by improvement.  Lord willing, by the end of today, she will be on a bottle that is completely M's milk. 

So, just a brief update and again a thank you to all of you, our faithful prayer warriors and friends.  

Lord willing our next update will be from our home as we welcome Critter back for a second homecoming!

 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness...Therefore don't worry about tommorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble."    Matthew 6:34

                                             (Home Day Two-  age, 3 days old)

                                          (Meeting Pa for the first-time, Pa cries Uncle)

 

(Meeting Mimi for the first time- she has the magic touch)

                        (Dad getting to hold Critter for the first time in the NICU)

         (ROCKSTAR NICU Staff-  one of the many who was able to help Critter)

                   (A mother's love!!!!  Holding Critter for the first time in 48 hours)

 

Dad after only 3 hours of sleep in the NICU

Sunday Update

Day 3 from Children's Hospital-

Praise the Lord!  Critter is continuing to do very well.  ALL of her blood levels have returned back to normal after very critical and scary levels on Friday.  While we are still trying to comprehend the seriousness of Critter's condition that was once, we assumed that we should be able to finally get home tomorrow. 

The great experience that we have had here is the opportunity to spend 10 minutes or so with the Physicians, nurses, and specialists that are responsible for Critter's care and hear from them what their continued action plan is.  Today was hard to hear...

Critter most likely will not get to come home till Friday!!!  After some prayer and yes, some selfishness, seeing such a vast improvement we spoke with Critter's Neonatologist and he did think that we could possibly get her home Wednesday.  so- let's pray that safely this could be the case.  It has been extremely hard for both P and me to not be able to hold Critter for a great length of time.  Further, she is still hooked to all the medical equipment which add to the complexity for time with her. 

Anyway, today is a good day.  Critter's RSV results came in negative so we do not have to wear special gowns, gloves, and masks anymore in the N-ICU.  She has all of her color back and physically looks great!

Prayers:

• Critter to fully heal and that her emergency will not have any long-term effects
• Critter's health while still in the N-ICU
• M's strength and seizure freedom.  She is spent, energy wise.  We're not sure if we are just at her seizure threshold, but things have been well these last few days.
• Rest-  for both of us.  
• B's work-  that he is able to work efficiently this week despite the circumstances
• Please pray for the many other kiddos in the N-ICU.  Critter has a N-ICU mate that appears to be in pretty bad shape and we have yet to see this sweet little baby's folks. We have truly seen the importance of human interaction in Critter's healing and wish the same for this little guy.  We tried last night to just touch him as he was helplessly crying....heartbreaking....and yet, as you might imagine, we could not enter his little unit.  

Thank you for your faithfulness.  I pray that we will all continue to find ALL comfort in the Lord, who is truly our Healer, Provider, Helper in times of need, Forgiver, and most importantly Savior. 

PS- Tomorrow is Critter's 1 week birthday!!!

2/05/2011 Update

Morning Glory!!!  The sunrise in the Texas sky is beautiful this morning-Just as beautiful as our answered prayers!  As you can imagine, it was a very long night but we are seeing some amazing improvement in what seemed fairly bleak in the late hours last night.  Bottom-line, Critter is in a state of Metabolic Acidosis.  Most likely caused from dehydration.  But things were very scary in that her blood gas levels were unusually high, her breathing was very irregular, and at each check her numbers were increasing- NOT GOOD!  

Now some could end the story there, but as you may have already heard-  we have a team of great physicians here at Children's, but we have an even greater Physician who happens to have privileges at every hospital, home, and heart.  Around 2AM, we had a visit with the Fellow on call who was able to provide us with an update and a game plan. 

Step one-  Insert a venous and arterial line from Critter's navel/leftover umbilical cord.  Amazing that this is even possible!!!  The reasoning for inserting the line was to minimize the number of sticks and stressors that she would endure as they would need to continue to take multiple blood draws throughout her stay here. 
      Amazing, though it looked like what remained of her cord was near impossible to be able to do the line, they were able to get it and now do and all future blood draws without having to try to find such tiny veins for future draws. 

Step two-  Need to get her levels stable.  Without much detail-  know that her Glucose levels, Creatinine, Respiratory rate, Lactate, Ammonia, Potassium, and CO2 levels were all WAY OUT OF RANGE.

Step three- PRAY-  the seriousness of Critter's situation was more defined at this early morning meeting.  If the docs had not been able to get the results they wanted, more invasive and less desirable treatment would have needed to follow.

Around 3:30 this morning, new blood numbers were drawn.....EVERYTHING had started to correct!  While we are still a tad out of range in some areas, it was a GREAT sign of progress.  For the first time in over 12 hours Critter was even able to produce urine.

The first few nights of having her home were tough with all the crying and diaper changing.  Now, we rejoice in every tear and drop of urine!!

Rounds begin at 9am and so we will have a chance to eventually speak with a doc and see what the next step will be in her care.

Stay tuned and stay on your knees...

Beggin' for Prayers for Our Sweet Girl

Many of you who have followed our journey in the Foxhole can probably imagine with me that Critter will most likely be some great doctor!!!!  Why or how can I be so definitive?   Well, within Critter's first few months of life she will have visited MD Anderson to be with her Daddy as he does his semi-annual exam and the a month or so thereafter to be with her Mommy at the Mayo Clinic.  So case closed, before Critter is 6 months she will have visited two world-renowned medical institutions.

Little did we know that she would begin the process early with an admittance to the ER at 4 days old.

Yep, you read right, ER!!!

Parenthood has started with a bit of a bump in the road that we are hoping to always look back on as a marker of God's goodness and His healing!!

Our precious little miracle, didn't sleep much at all once we brought her home.  Then, this morning, she slept very well and much longer than she should have...we began to be concerned.  She wouldn't nurse.  I tried giving her a bath to wake her, still no real reaction....

We called the pediatrician and she recommended we come see her quickly.  Then, P's temp started dropping and the doc had us call 911.  So, we were rushed to the local hospital (they wouldn't take us to Children's because of the weather). 

P went through the rigmarole at the local hospital.  Poor baby even had to have a Spinal Tap.  I had my first spinal tap at the same hospital about twenty plus years ago...Anyway, their concerns were meningitis, metabolic disorders, etc.  They ruled out meningitis, but were still concerned about metabolic disorders.

However, they got the ball rolling the minute we arrived and had a transport request to Children's.  They accepted our little angel.  So, we are now at Children's.  I had hoped that the pics we would post in these first few days would have her in cute little outfits with lots of big bows in her hair.  Instead, she has lots of tape, and tubing.  

So....PRAYERS!!!!  The doctors are still confused and it looks like that at a minimum, we'll be here for the next 3 days.  Again they are looking at Metabolic Disorders.  If any of you would like to be a physician you can help diagnose her:

• Rapid Breathing
• High Blood Sugar/Hyperglycemia
• Severe Dehydration
• Low Carbon Dioxide

Stay tuned for more information as we receive it and as well, picture soon of bows and dresses!

It's Here......

So our life was already changed, but TODAY, yes today!!!, well, actually last night, YES LAST NIGHT! Pierson Savannah Fox was born.  PSF aka "Critter" was born at 8:23 PM weighing a whopping 6.94 lbs and measuring every bit of 18 inches!

Already Critter has been a delight.  We cannot stop praising the Lord for the Good things He has done! 

 

(Special Family Prayer Time- our new little kit)

 So without any further delay, here is the whole story:

M went to bed Sunday evening with a little feeling of a contraction.  Things did progress and come 4:10 AM Monday morning....it was time!  We officially woke at 4:30 and began counting our contractions and timing the length and frequency of each.  By 7:00, our amazing Doula was at our home coaching M through each contraction.  Things seemed to be progressing very well and by 9:00 the Doula recommended that we head to the doc to get a check-up to see where we were at.  We arrived at the doc around 10:30, he liked the progress and sent us to Labor & Delivery!!!!

By 11:30 or so we were set in for the day in our room and M's contractions were progressing very nicely...but at 4:00 it was apparent that our hope to keeps things as natural as possible were not going to continue as it was determined that for the amount of time that M had been "working"  she had not progressed near enough.  It was actually due to Critter's position...against M's backbone.  So, with an epidural and a  "pretzel" position, we flipped Critter and by 7:00 we were in position to deliver.  With a little more meds in the epidural we began pushing at 7:30.....

Voila-  Critter came at 8:23 PM.....Side bar--- please note the time (Our wedding date 8/23).  Who said God doesn't have fun with our lives!

We are doing well and very thankful that Critter came into our world yesterday.  We are especially grateful as many of you have experienced the winter blizzard of 2011 that has kept most of Texas at home today. 

So what have we learned...B aka dad, can totally change diapers...in fact P has not changed a diaper yet!!!!  Critter is absoultely amazing and we are having such a great time holding and loving her.  What a bond. 

I am sure more will come over the next couple of days.  We can't wait to introduce you to our precious joy and miracle!

(Please note a true lady never leaves home without her pearls)

Prayers

I come to you this evening/morning asking for prayers...

January has been my best month ever as far as seizures go...
Prior to the pregnancy, I was averaging a little less three per day (this is including the Ketogenic Diet).
Once pregnant, we saw a big drop.  I only averaged about 1.25/day!!! 
Since coming off the meds, my average has been about 1/day!  Praise the Lord!!!
Well, these last four months have been wonderful!!

October, November, and December, I averaged .9/day.  That's about 28 total for a month!!  I've had months as high as 423!!!
Well, until Monday, I had only had 6 seizures total for the entire month of January!!!!!!!!!!!
Can I get some really loud, say it like you mean it, Praise the Lord's!?!?!?!?

Something went crazy on Monday...
I had:

3 Monday
5 on Tuesday
6 Today

So, I had as many just today as I had in the first 23 days of the month!!!

We think this could be giving us some answers, though.  Progesterone levels increase throughout pregnancy and start to drop to prepare for delivery.  So, maybe progesterone is very protective for me.  I spoke with my neuro today and she agrees and is going to try to call in some progesterone cream for me to start as soon as our sweet little girl is born.  However, this could interfere with her ability to nurse, etc. 

Thus, I come to you begging for prayers!  All along, we have believed that this pregnancy could bring about a miracle, as the docs at the Mayo Clinic stated.  So, we want to continue to believe that and see healing come through this...please join us in agreement that this is just the last hoorah of seizures and that I will be healed completely with her birth!!  Please!

Thank you all so much!  I'll wrap this up since I don't have any fun pics to keep you entertained!

Thank you for your faithful prayers!!!

From Connor's Mommy

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

When Connor was battling cancer, especially during his last six months, it would just kill me to see him suffer.  I felt the suffering right along with him.  My heart actually ached when I looked at his sweet face, and his body just wasting away before my eyes.  I think that was really where I questioned God the most.  How can you let this sweet child suffer like this?  It was inhumane.  I have often thought to myself that one of my first questions to Jesus when I see Him is "why such suffering?"  And then, I wonder, when I see His face, if I will even care anymore.  Or, will all those thoughts and pains just disappear at the sight of His face?  I imagine it's like forgetting the pains of childbirth once you hold your child in your arms.  The song "It's Gonna Be Worth It All" by Rita Springer is about this very thing... How our earthly troubles will be worth it when we see His face.

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways
Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing That the sight of Your face Is all that I need I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

I'm quoting II Corinthians 4:17 again.  "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."  I wish I could have been there when Connor saw Jesus for the first time.  I'm sure that the pain and discomfort he had been feeling for several months were all forgotten at the sight of His face.  I'm sure that Connor felt like it was all worth it ... just to see His face!

In Revelation, John speaks of the coming tribulations and suffering of Christians for the sake of Jesus' name.  He encourages them all to be conquerors in all these trials, and they will receive a reward beyond their comprehension.  The reward will be worth the cost.  "Do not fear what you are about you suffer.  Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation.  Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.... The one who conquers, I will grant him to sitwith me on my throne." Revelations 2:10 and 3: 21     I can just hearConnor whispering to me, "Mom, trust me.  It's gonna be worth it!!!"

Always believing,

Joy Cruse

Last minute touch ups

Well, I have an amazingly talented hubby!!!

We have an armoire that we decided to use for her changing area.  B repainted it and made it gorgeous for her room.  However, once you open it, the back just has the punch out type thing for your TV cables.  So, he decided this weekend that something needed to be done.

We guessed that her hands would be all over whatever was against the back and so it needed to be safe and soft.  The top part, she won't be able to reach.  So, we decided to just have fun with that.

So, here is his masterpiece.

 The changing spot is pink minky dot.  

So, the back "wall" is chocolate minky dot.

 At the top, he created a french bulletin board from the polka dot on the bed.

 This pic was taken by HaleyBPhotography.  Go check out her work & sign up for her to take your pics!  She does an amazing job!!

 I'm so impressed with the job that he did...

Here's a quick look at the rest of her room.

 Her dresser with many of the frames that B's cousin, K, made, 

and Granny's poem for our baby!!

 P's bed!!!

P's glider, the precious blanket that Piper made, and her Boppy!!

We are terrible about not wanting to put holes in the walls and so we've not hung the precious letters that spell out her name that B's cousin made.  She also made a French Bulletein Board for the wall that we've not hung.  Finally, we need to decide on curtains (i.e., what fabric, what style, etc.?)! Hopefully, we'll get that done this week!!

Thanks for stopping by to see her sweet room and my hubby's amazing talent!!!!

It all seems to be coming together!  She's due in two days.  So, hopefully, we are ready!!

Car Seat

Where do each of you put your baby's car seat?

We have bucket seats.  So, the choices are behind the driver or passenger.

Thanks!!!!

Don't forget that you can go to buynolliecovers.com and order a precious cover for your car seat.  If you enter 'fox' in the checkout, they will send you extra goodies that match your car seat for FREE!!

Miss P's Room & You can bless others!!

We are so excited about Miss P's room.  It is coming together quite well.  Now, we just need a little one to fill it...only 12 more days until her due date!

A precious girl that I grew up with, Piper, is super talented and she made all of this.  I was so excited to do this post so that you could see how precious P's room will be...then, I found out that every bit of profit that she makes for 2011 is going to serve orphans.  With my invoice was a letter from her sharing how the Lord has impacted her heart for the orphans this year.  As most of you know, B and I were in the process of adopting a sweet little one from S. Korea when we both got sick.  We still have a heart for orphans and can't wait until the day that the Lord allows us to add to our family through adoption, as well.

So, do you want to bless orphans and have precious stuff for your kiddos' room?  She is opening a business but doesn't have a name for it yet.  So, in the meantime, if you want to reach out to her and see how precious she could make your kids' room, just leave a comment and I'll get you in touch with her.

Update from Nate's Mommy

01/15/2011 - "I will start by saying Nate is doing very well. He and Wes went to Los Angeles this past week for his 100 day post transplant check up. The doctors are very pleased with his progress and all scans are CLEAR of cancer (such sweet music to our ears). He does have some fluid on his brain and we are praying it will correct itself and not require a surgery or shunt. He is getting stronger each day as he is playing for much longer periods of time. I think Jake, Luke and Nate have been on the floor playing this morning since they woke up. This is great for Nate and he is eating and starting to take steps without his walker. We do home school every night and he is making great progress. He may always need a walker, that is still to be determined, but this shows us he is getting stronger and not in pain. He will get to start going back to physical therapy very soon and this should help him so much. We still have to be very cautious about germs, but the restrictions are getting a little lighter and will continue to lighten the further out he gets from transplant. Nate will be 5 in exactly one month from today. As I think back and remember being told he would not see his third birthday and then being told his fourth would be his last I can still feel the fear and pain of thinking we would never see another birthday for our little guy. Well, I have come to realize Nate’s days are in God’s hands and I am so blessed as I start to plan a little Batman party for a little boy who has taught me more about life and trusting in God than I think I will ever be able to teach him. As I have said before I don’t know the future, but I am so grateful to have Nate in our family and humbled by all who have walked this journey with us. My prayer is for God to restore Nate’s body in every way for HIS glory.
On another note this has been a very sad week for so many that we know. We lost our music teacher and friend from Pullen. She and her husband were killed last Sunday in a car accident. She was only 25 and he was 23. Please pray for their families and our school as this loss is felt so deeply and will be felt for a very long time. Another co-worker lost her mother, my grandmother passed and two of our friends in LA are really struggling right now. Nathaniel (4) and Vincent (10), are two of our friends who are fighting brain cancer and they are in the depths of the battle right now. The list goes on and on, but please pray and remember these families and all the other little ones fighting this monster. Much love and thanks, Jackie"

From Nate's Mommy

Update on Nate - 12/29/2010 - from Jackie

"Nate's MRI results from last week appear to be stable compared to his last MRI, which is very good news. The sonogram for the stomach issues he has been having are inconclusive, so please pray his stomach issues resolve themselves. Each time he has gone to the clinic over the past few weeks it has been very difficult to draw his blood, which makes it very hard to make sure all his levels are good. The doctor recommended he get a port placed again so he doesn't have to get so many needle sticks and he can be monitored more closely. We came in yesterday morning for the port placement surgery, but because Nate's levels were not in check he was admitted for the night and given what he needed. Today his port was placed and he did very well in surgery. We should be going home tonight. We are hopeful that the last couple week's difficulties are behind us and Nate continues to move forward and get stronger everyday. Thank you for all the prayers! We did have a wonderful Christmas at home in between hospital stays. :)"

From Connor's Mommy

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Christmas was wonderful, sharing time with family and friends.  Our children had a great time, though Connor was truly missed.   His big, enthusiastic, energetic personality had a way of lighting up a room, so we were reminded constantly of his absence.  In spite of this, we joyfully celebrated Jesus birthday and were grateful for God's cherished gift of our Saviour.

I realized this Christmas that I'm getting used to this new normal of no hospital trips, doctor visits, clinic visits, constant angst, chaos, fear and feelings of high adrenalin.  Over the last three weeks, three of my friends have been diagnosed with 3 different cancer diagnoses.  Now, I see my friends and their families scrambling and readjusting to their new normal.  Knowing some of what lies ahead for them, my heart aches for them.  I cry out to God to help them all through this.  I wish there were some way to take all of this away for them.  It's unbelievable how one's life can change in an instant.  One morning, you're healthy and the next morning, you are fighting for your life.

All of this has brought to the surface memories of Connor's battle with cancer.  There is so much suffering in this world.  Some people would use this as an excuse to believe that a good God does not exist.  We had a debate at our school a few weeks ago - an atheist versus a biblical scholar.  Does a good God exist?  The atheist has terminal cancer and he believes that his diagnosis is just more proof that there is not a good God.  I wish I could have 5 minutes alone with him.  His view is so skewed; it is so temporary.  We all face death.  Our bodies will one day give out, some sooner than others.  So, I'm not sure why he's mad at God for the cycle of life. Why would we stay angry at God for not providing us a temporary solution to our physical problems, when He has provided us an eternal solution for our spiritual lives?

I think we spend so much time looking at our lives through a physical perspective.  Teilhard De Chardin said "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience."  Our home here on earth is just an environment in which God is developing our spiritual life.  My friend, Brent, who was diagnosed with cancer about 2 weeks ago, looks at his cancer differently than the atheist with cancer does.  He shares with everyone that he is not afraid.  God has given him a peace about this, and he knows where he's headed.  His life is not terminal; it's eternal.  What a different perspective.

This holiday season, my friends have weighed heavily on my heart.  But their situation has brought with it a fresh gratitude to God for His salvation.  It has made this Christmas season that much richer, that much more appreciated.  The knowledge that Jesus birthday was just the beginning of God's grace being poured out onto all our lives brings joy to my heart in the midst of all this.  Because of this precious gift of salvation, I can still feel joy and peace, even when I miss my sweet Connor on Christmas morning.  So, I say thank you God for Christmas and what it means to me!  And, hopefully, what it means to you!

"Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

  II Corinthians 4:16-18

Always believing,

Joy Cruse

Nate Update from his Mommy

Update on Nate - 12/23/2010 - from Jackie

"We are still waiting for the final read of the MRI. Nate's MRIs have to be compared to previous ones, because of the amount of treatment and cancer his brain has experienced there is always something that looks abnormal. All that being said the preliminary read doesn't show any signs of new tumor, which is great news. There is something still going on with Nate that isn't normal, but the doctors are not exactly sure what is going on. His meds have been adjusted and some new ones added on. We are praying this is just a minor bump in the road and Nate is back on track very soon. Thank you for all the emails, texts and prayers for our little man. We are thankful to be home for Christmas, and wish you all a blessed Christmas. Love, Jackie"

Update on Nate - 12/21/2010 - from Wes

"Nate was admitted to Cooks Children's Hospital in Ft Worth today after a visit with the oncologist here who is collaborating with Nate's doctors in Los Angeles. Nate has been experiencing weakness, stomach pains, bone pain, throwing up randomly, and shaking quite a bit all happening in the last couple of days and becoming worse. The Dr here decided to admit him, run some labs, watch him for a few days and perform an MRI on him in the morning (Wednesday) to check for cancer. Of course we are concerned right now as we sit here in the hospital, but we know God has seen Nate and our family through so much and we have no reason to doubt HIM now. Please pray for a clear MRI and for these behaviors to go away and for him to return back to beating all of this. We thank and love you."

Nate Update from His Daddy

Prayer Request for Nate - 12/20/2010 - from Wes

"Please pray for Nate. He has been showing some unusual signs lately. We have an appointment in the morning to check into and see what it could be. Please pray all is ok. Thanks. We know God is with us."

Update on Nate - 12/16/2010 - from Jackie (his Mommy)

"Many people have been asking and wondering how things are going since we have been home. We have been very busy trying to keep up with work, Nate's clinic appointments, keeping the house very clean for Nate and just living normal life. We are so blessed and thankful for this time of somewhat a normal routine. Nate has been doing well overall since he has been out of the hospital. He is 86 days post-transplant and the doctors continue to be pleased with his progress. He is still regaining his strength and stamina. He has a long recovery ahead of him and needs prayers as his little body continues to heal. It is be many years before we know the true extent of the long term side effects of Nate's treatment. Jake and Luke are both doing well and have adjusted to being back at school. All three boys are looking forward to Christmas! They have decorated the tree and been busy making cookies and treats with Sugar Momma. We are so humbled and thankful as we watch our boys play and spend time together. We know what a miracle Nate is, and are thankful for God's mercy on us. We hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas and enjoy the true meaning of the holiday season."

Pictures

I'm sure I could come up with a more creative title...sorry, the marketing major in me must have disappeared with the seizures...

Anyway, we have a precious friend, Haley, that is a very talented photographer.  Go check out her site.  When my surgery was complete, she offered to do four sessions for us...basically to track the progress, healing, etc.  We thought we would knock it out by doing one session per quarter and have a year worth of pics.  Well, not so much!  We started in January 2009 and just did our last session last week!  However, that allowed us to truly see big changes!!!

So, we started in February 2009.  I can't find any of those pics online.  However, this is a pic from around that time.  So, you can see how much hair we both had about two months after the surgery!

Okay, I just found the post HERE from January 2009.

Then, she did more pics in September 2009.

This was the third round of pics that we did in May 2010.  This could be TMI, but let's just say that we didn't know we were pregnant, but she was being formed while these pics were being taken...how's that?  Sorry, if I'm sharing too much!!

We did our final round of pics with Haley last week.  We were 33 weeks prego in these pics. She put some belly shots in there, too.

So, we now have about two years worth of changes and growth in our family captured!!!  Thank you, Haley!!!  We always have so much fun with you!

From Connor's Mommy

Thursday, December 9, 2010

So many questions arise as I wrestle with God.  Suffering causes us all to look deeper at our own beliefs about God and what the Bible says.  I've always loved the verse "And we know that in all things God 
works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose" - Romans 8:28.  This verse has always given me comfort, knowing that God was going to work good in my life from 
all things, even my suffering.  Since Connor's death, I've struggled with this verse.  I find myself doubting all the hope I've placed in it.

Don't get me wrong.  I know that there have been many "good" things that have come from Connor's brief and courageous life.  I still receive e-mails and letters from people telling me how he has impacted 
them.  I know that he is a great example to us all of bravery, faith, and joy in the midst of sorrow.  He is my hero.  He has definitely done a great work for God's Kingdom.

I have to be honest here.  When I read this verse for the first 39 years of my life, the words "God would work good in all things" focused on a more personal level for me.  Meaning, I understood it to be that God was working out everything to be good FOR ME!  Blessings 
were in store for ME!  If I love the Lord and am called according to His purpose, Blessings are certainly ahead.  Surely, he will answer my prayers and fix my problems.  It's really the focus of the "name it and claim it" philosophy of some churches today.  At a closer examination of this verse, I understand that this "good" that is being worked out, is for God's Glory.  This "good" will be for His Kingdom, and that doesn't always line up with my own expectations and wishes.

For some, this knowledge may not be so difficult to swallow.  But, for those of us who have been disappointed by God's choices for our lives, it can be very disheartening.  It leaves me sometimes feeling like my wishes and desires aren't so important.  I have always wanted to 
further God's Kingdom and glorify Him in all my actions, but I never expected that to come with such a high cost - MY SON.

I've also loved the bible verse that said "He will give you the desires of your heart."  Doesn't that sound marvelous?  Well, it doesn't seem to be true, because I did not get the desire of my heart.  Connor is no longer here with me.  What about that family of four children that I always wanted?  It still hurts to have a child missing in the back seat of my car and around our dinner table. Last week, I looked up the whole verse.  It's Psalm 37:4.  "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  AAAhhh.  Now, the meaning is
clearer.  If God is the desire of our heart, then yes, God will give us more of Him.  That's what He meant by the desires of our heart.  He wants us to draw nearer to Him.  He wants our desire to be just Him.

So, now, I'm faced with this knowledge that it's not all about me.  Wow!  Shocker.  As I look at the life of Paul, he is a great example of putting his earthly, selfish desires aside and only wanting God's purposes to be lived out through his life.  Christ was the source of Paul's continual joy, for Paul's life found meaning in Christ.  I admit that I'm not always there.  I do know that every day, I constantly have to bend my knee to His Will and lay my selfish desires at His feet.   This is the battle that wars within me.  I suspect that others have fought in this same battle.  My prayer (like Paul's prayer) for us all is that "whatever was to my profit, I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him!"

Always believing,
Joy Cruse

December 8th

Yes, I'm a bit late since the calendar now says it's December 9th!  However, I couldn't let this opportunity sneak away!

December 8th, 2010, is the four year anniversary of B being cancer FREE!!  Are you praising the Lord with me?  Come on...let's jump up and down and shout for joy!!!

Praise be to the ONE who healed my hubby!!!  Praise HIM!!!  Praise HIM!!!!  Praise HIM!!!!!