Prayer...from Connor's Mommy

Wow!

I think that Joy has read my mind and heart with this post. I have struggled in many of the same ways. Lord, we are praying for healing, we are doing it the way you tell us to, etc., why am I still having so many seizures & now migraines, too? Yet, as hard as it is to swallow (and I don't want to swallow this), Joy is right in what she states below.

Be blessed!

**********

I mentioned on my last blog how my prayer life has been under construction. During Connor's illness, I was always searching for bible verses and Christian books on a powerful prayer life. I was constantly in prayer for Connor and others. I was praying specifically. I was praying with Faith and Belief. I was praying with a group of united believers (when 2 or more are gathered in his name). I was approaching God with a repentant heart, always asking Him to search my heart for anything that would hinder my prayers. I didn't want to be lacking for anything in my prayer life. I didn't want to search my heart and my prayer life and find that I was hindering Connor in any way. I found myself following the instructions of all the best books on prayer. I was thorough, trying to find the right "recipe" for answered prayers.

At the end of Connor's battle with cancer, I found myself dazed and confused. Nothing about "powerful prayers" made sense anymore. The advice from all those "experts" didn't seem to measure up, didn't seem to work. Even following the Bible's advice on prayer didn't seem to help my case any. Praying with belief, praying in large numbers, praying specifically, praying in the right order, etc. didn't add any specific "power" to my prayers. I eventually realized that the quality and quantity of prayers do not change the course of God's plans for all of us. His plans will not be thwarted. His plans are much bigger than my personal desires.

So, here I am searching for the true, right meaning of my prayers...how God means for me to pray. I've come to the conclusion that our prayers are another example of complete faith and leaning on God's sovereignty without complete understanding. Complete surrender. It is not a wish list. There is not a recipe. It's our willingness to line up our will to His. Our opportunity to commune with Him. Our grateful response to His blessings and His character. Our heart's cry of pain and agony that resonates with His heart. Our choice to be obedient to His command to "Be still and know Him." Our chance to bask in His Presence, to feel His joy and His peace.

I find that all these lessons continue to bring me back to the same principle....complete surrender in all areas of my life. I find that my prayers look different now. I continue to "cast my cares upon Him, because He cares for me" (I Peter 5:7). I also pray for His will, for God's Grace to get through whatever comes our/your way, for God to redeem the situation and for me/us to know Him more. I don't know if this would be the best foundation for a book on powerful prayer. I think the experts may not agree fully with me. I just know that that's where I am right now - trying to sort through the ashes of my disappointed dreams and my unanswered prayers.

I like Sarah Young's perspective on the matter.

"Do not seek me primarily for what I can give you. Remember that I,the Giver, am infinitely greater than any gift I might impart to you.

I am calling you to a life of constant communion with Me. Remember your ultimate goal is not to control or fix everything around you; it is to keep communing with Me. A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day."

Always believing,

Joy Cruse

Update on Nate 03/25/2010 - From Wes

"Dr Bowers said pathologist verified the tumors are Medulloblastoma spread to the bone in the pelvis. Please do not give up praying. The LORD God listens. Amen"

Update on Nate - 03/24/2010

Wes called and said that they spoke with the Dr today regarding the biopsy, but that the results were inconclusive and that the Dr could not confirm if cancer or not. More tests are being completed now and hopefully will know more tomorrow. Please continue your prayers for Nate and the Oxfords.

In Christ,
Scott

Nate

Subject: Update on Nate - 03/23/2010

Wanted to let everyone know that Nate was at the Hospital today and had a biopsy on the locations found on his hip. Wes said they should get the results tomorrow. He continues to be in pain. Please continue to pray for Nate for God's comfort and sustaining help. I will update as soon as I hear from Wes tomorrow.
In Christ,
Scott

Pray for Nate

Please keep the Oxford family in your prayers.

Nate has not been doing well.

Nate was rushed to the hospital this morning, he was screaming all night in pain. He's been given 2-6 months but we know that God has his own plans. I've attached his Facebook link if you would like to receive regular updates such as news about Nate's health, fundraising efforts, and specific prayer needs.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/group.php?gid=42012022806

--Scott

Video to watch

You've got to go to this blog and then watch the video!

Good video to get you ready for the Ags playing today!!

Update on Nate - 03/18/2010 - From Wes

Wes said that the MRI had revealed more tumors all over his legs and hips. The Dr's said that it was the worst possible scenario and there was not much that could be done by way of treatment. Wes asked that we continue to pray without ceasing and not give up. Wes and Jackie are both hopeful and trusting that Nate will be healed and that God will be glorified through this. They want everyone to know that God is bigger than cancer and bigger than all of our problems and that He is faithful to hear the prayer of His children.

Nate Update!!

Another update on sweet little Nate:

I wanted to send out an update on Nate's status. The MRI has been scheduled for Thursday at 12:30 tomorrow. The purpose of the MRI will be to get a clearer picture of the mass that was found in Nate's hip area. Depending on what is found in that MRI, they will conduct a biopsy of the area to confirm what this is. Please continue your prayers for Nate and all the Oxfords. Please pray about the MRI that is taking place tomorrow at 12:30. Please pray that God would reveal clearly what is taking place with Nate and that the Dr's will have wisdom with how to proceed.
In Christ,
Scott

Plea for Prayers

I come to you this morning, begging for prayers!! It's been a rough week and today isn't any better.

I have had 44 seizures in the last seven days, not including today. Today, I've already had six, all before 10am. The first nine days of the month, I only had 13 seizures! This was a great average for me and was showing marked improvement.

Then, something went crazy. I "typically" average around 2.5/day, yet right now, I am averaging over 6/day. After doing EKGs while also doing the EEGs, they have equated each of my seizures to the equivalent of me running a marathon (if only I had the cute little marathon runner body). What they have found, is that each seizure places the strain on my heart, equivalent to that of running a marathon. So, I have already run SIX marathons this morning and I'm exhausted.

We have no idea what is causing this and are praying for wisdom in the decisions that we make. We are supposed to be leaving in a few days to go meet our new sister-in-law and niece and nephew. Traveling is tough when I'm having so many seizures (and because I have to take every single meal with me).

So, will you all please pray, believing HE will answer?

1. Healing from the seizures...no more seizures!
2. Safe & hassle-free travels-I have to take every single bite of food that I will eat while away and obviously TSA isn't a huge fan.
3. Wisdom with meds, meals, etc. Do we need to change something?

Thank you all so very much!

Update on Little Nate

For those of you that were praying for Nate today, here is the update we received:

I spoke with Wes and he provided more information from Nate's Spinal Tap today. Wes, Jackie and Nate are so thankful for the prayers and encouragement they have received. The preliminary results of the Spinal fluid is that it is clear of cancer. They sent the fluid off to have a more complete test and they will have the results back on Thursday. While completing the X-ray for the Spinal Tap, Dr's noticed a mass in Nate's hip. The Dr's will schedule an MRI to examine the hip area closer. Hopefully this will take place tomorrow. The Dr's felt this would explain why Nate was having so much pain in his back but want to wait for the MRI to examine what this mass is. Please continue to pray for Nate, asking God to comfort him. Asking that God reveal to the Dr's what is taking place and how to best move forward. Asking that God would send His sustaining help and show Nate, Wes and Jackie just how close He can be in times like this. "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22.

In Christ,
Scott

Special Birthday!

To catch you up to speed, this is a post about little Nate from January of this year:

GREAT NEWS!!!

"Praise God, for HE is merciful. We got the results back from Nate's MRIs, and all scans are clear…no cancer. The doctors are very pleased, and were excited to be able to provide this news. When chemo started last January he was given a 15% chance to make it 3 months, and he made it six months before it came back worse than ever. When he began radiation in June and ended at the end of July, he was given six weeks to six months of borrowed time, and here he is…TO GOD BE ALL PRAISE AND GLORY. Nate truly is a miracle from God every day he is alive. I am not saying any of us deserve this, I am, however, saying that God had mercy on us and we will forever give HIM the glory for his healing. We thank all the doctors and nurses who have seen us through this. Many people have spent many hours laboring over him to help him get to this point. We also want to thank everyone around the world for your much needed prayers and for helping us along the way. We have been praying about larger ways to give back and help others, and we will begin on those things in the near future, using what God has done for us as a way to show HIS love to others.

You have all been praying for Nate, you might remember his picture from B's Surprise B-day Party! We were all celebrating that Nate was cancer free! His picture is about half way down the page.

Well, this weekend, we got to celebrate Nate's 5th birthday! How awesome to be there to celebrate one more year that wasn't promised. However, all thanks to the Lord, Nate survived!!

Crossing the street, from all the fun that was had at the park!

Back inside, dyeing Easter eggs.

Sweet Nate!

Getting ready to blow out his candles!
Praise the Lord as we never knew if this birthday would be celebrated!

Two cancer survivors!!
Posing with Mr. B! How about Nate's smile!?!?

Please continue to pray for Nate. He has started having some pain again and it's harder for him to walk. These are signs the docs said to watch for that would point to the return of the cancer...so, he was rushed back in this past weekend for MRIs, etc.

They did find another tumor in his brain. So, please say extra special prayers for little Nate. They will be doing a Spinal Tap on Tuesday. Pray! Pray!! Pray!!!

Palindromes

I received this in an e-mail and had to share:

A palindrome reads the same backward as it does forward. This video reads the exact opposite backward as forward. Not only does it read the opposite, the meaning is the exact opposite.

This is only a 1 minute, 44 second video and it is brilliant. Make sure you read; as well as, listen...forward and backward.

This is a video that was submitted in a contest by a 20-year old. The contest was titled
"u @ 50" by AARP.

This video won second place.. When they showed it, everyone in the room was awe-struck and broke into spontaneous applause. So simple and yet so brilliant.

Take a minute and watch it.

Lost Generation

Very Belated Post from Connor's Mommy

Friday, February 12, 2010

Many times, I've thought to myself, it's just not fair. It's not fair that Tait and I had to lose our beloved son when he was only 8 years old. It's not fair what Connor had to endure - the pain, the hospital stays, the years of treatments. It's not fair that Kenzie, Carson and Mason have to grow up without their brother, ConCon. It's not fair that these children should have to battle this horrible, dreadful disease. It's just not fair! I want to demand what is fair and right. If everything were fair, everything would be great, right? As I continue to think about fairness, I realize there's another side to this coin. What would life really be like if everything was fair? What would I receive if I only got what was fair? What would I deserve? Would I deserve my great family of believers who have stood by us for 4½ years? Would I deserve all the blessings that God has poured out on me? Would I deserve to be the mother of such precious children? Did I deserve those 8½ cherished years with my beautiful, inspiring Connor? How did God choose to give me the honor of being Connor's mom? How did I win that lottery? I love the following quote. It reminds me to not focus on the "unfairness" that Connor is gone now, but to focus on the fact that he was mine for a time. "Don't cry because it's over, SMILE because it happened." If we really think about it, what do we really deserve, if life was truly fair. In a life of pure fairness, some of our pain would be gone, but then again, so would some of our blessings. A life of fairness would bring justice, but not mercy. It would bring judgment, not forgiveness. It would bring me ALL that I deserve, and when I think about my sinful life - I don't think I deserve all the blessings, forgiveness and mercy that have been poured out over me. Maybe, what is better than fairness, is GRACE. GRACE would ensure blessings when we don't' deserve them and would carry us through the dark moments. GRACE would ensure forgiveness when we don't' deserve it. GRACE would allow us to be rescued from our sin for ALL time. So, I've quit wishing for a life of fairness and I've started praying for an abundance of Grace! "Let us then approach the throne of GRACE with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find GRACE to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16 Please continue to pray for our sweet friends who are facing the harsh reality that God's Healing Touch is their one true hope, because modern medicine is not offering any right now... Mike Phillips, Westin Deitz and Carson Richardson (he's in Guatemala right now with Dr. Rodriguez). Always believing, Joy Cruse

Update on Nate-from his Daddy

"Nate continues to do well. This past week was his 4th birthday. What an amazing gift from God to celebrate another birthday with our little guy. God has been so merciful to us and we are continually reminded of His grace to us all. Today Nate was playing t-ball with his brothers (in his walker) and having so much fun. He is becoming quite the Wii expert and learning the alphabet. (just being a little boy).

I ask that you all pray for Matt Burpee, (a five year old in Heath battling the same cancer that Nate did). He has started chemo and I remember how sick and weak Nate got. It is so hard to watch your child suffer and know you cannot stop the pain or sickness. Please pray for him and his family as they fight this battle."

Church

Just thought I would post a few quick pics from church.

One of my dear friends, T, has seven beautiful children. They are all so incredibly polite, well-behaved, etc. They also love music. A few weeks ago, we look up on stage and this is one of her cuties pickin' up the guitar and going to town! Look at that leg propped up to hold it just right. He's into it and ready for a jam session! That's his brother on the left and one of our musicians on the right!!

Then, I look up and see these precious eyes!!

This is the daughter of one of our pastors. She is looking at a young man in our church, B. B was in high school, on stage, in a play, and had an aneurysm. He is now in a wheelchair, unable to really speak, etc., and he is part of our daily prayers for miracles. He can communicate through his eyes, though. Little Miss M here clearly knows that! I ask her if she was flirting with B and she said, "yes!"

Here's a cute pic of them together!!

Look at her snugglin' up to him!!

Quick Prayers

Could I get each of you to send up a quick prayer for this man!!

My amazing Hubby!!

He woke up this morning not feeling well. He canceled his first appointment, but went to the next and planned to be out working the rest of the day. However, he called around lunch and was feeling even worse. He almost "got sick" in his office. So, he has come home and I've got him tucked in bed. Mom made him some rice water to help his tummy. Once he wakes up we're going to try to help him a bit more.

Tonight is the awards ceremony/banquet for his office. It is also at a Flight Museum! So, he really doesn't want to miss it. Will you pray that he heals up quickly? Thank you!!!

Aggie Bonfire 2010

On our way home last night, B said instead of a snowman, we should build an Aggie Bonfire. He was sleepy and so he barely made it through the news and was fast asleep. No Aggie Bonfire for us.

This morning, we were amazed by all of the snow. So, he went and took some pictures for me!!

Our House

Then, he disappeared out back for a while. Knowing B, I guessed he was cleaning off the driveway or something to that affect. I looked in the backyard and saw this!! WOW!! It's snowing in Texas!!!

Then, I opened the garage door and this was what I saw of the driveway. So, he hadn't been clearing it.

Then, I looked around the corner and saw these footprints going toward the front of the house.

So, I walked to the front door and peaked out the window and saw this!

Aggie "Stack" 2010

I kept hiding while trying to take the pics...

Then, I quickly remembered that every Aggie Bonfire needs a good orange t.u. Frat House (an orange "outhouse"). So, hoping he wouldn't come inside while working on it, I quickly went to work trying to create one for him. I had no idea what I was going to use to make it. However, as you can see, my many doctor's visits, lab work, etc., paid off today. This was a (TMI ALERT!!!) urine collection container that I never used. So, in my opinion it made for the perfect "outhouse!" Right? It was even orange!!!

Aggies say, "Beat the H-E-double hockey sticks out of t.u." However, I always said, "heck." So, B got to be the one to choose the word to fill in the blank.

Here he is getting the outhouse in place.

Look at how much snow we have...in Texas!!!

Sorry, back to Bonfire....

Our sweet little guy, Rudder, posing with the A&M flag!

Isn't Hank gorgeous?

My Three Boys...
...and Aggie Bonfire 2010

Hank loved the snow!
Each time I stepped into the street to take a pic,
he came to the edge like this and just laid there and watched me.

One too many dog pics, huh?
Clearly we don't have children...

Occasionally, he would eat the snow!!

You can't have a good Aggie Bonfire without sawing off those longhorns.
I will cut off the horns of all the wicked...
Psalm 75:10

My Prince's Masterpiece!!!

Aggie Bonfire 2010!!! WHOOP!!!

Nothing like a good kiss at Aggie Bonfire!!!
WHOOP!!