And He said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

Thursday, April 28, 2011

What Is It Like to Be a Mommy?

I really want to know...

This has been a frustrating road we've been on for the last three months.  It is colored with blessings and trials.

The blessings start with her sweet smile!  They progress to the precious friends that we have that are coming over each day to help me care for her.

The trials start with my seizures.  They had improved so much during the pregnancy, but have increased dramatically since she was born.  We should get more answers tomorrow on when we can start treatment.

I had a few days this week where I wasn't having many seizures.  So, I decided it was time to get to be Mommy!  Though our sweet friends were here, I took P in my arms and held her when she was crying (typically a seizure trigger) and walked around the house (another trigger) to keep her calm.

However, last night (after trying to be Mommy all day), I had one of the big seizures that is followed by me not remembering anything or knowing who I am, what happened, etc.  I told myself it was a one time deal.  B was out of town and Mom was here.  So, I tried to put her to bed (he usually does this) and got some incredible screams out of her (again triggers for the seizures).  I called him in tears asking what in the world I could do to help get her to sleep...I just want to get to be her Mommy without it causing seizures. 

Another precious friend came over today and was so ready and willing to take her, but I told her that I really wanted to get to hold and comfort P.  I had two seizures while she was here that she had to tell me what had happened when they were finished. 

It is so frustrating to have this precious angel and not get to be her Mommy, but have to rely on others.  Mind you, we are so incredibly blessed by our friends that our helping.  I would be scared to be here alone with her because of the seizures.  However, I want to be a Mommy...yet, it seems that when I try the seizures intensify.

PLEASE join me in prayer that the Lord will perform a major miracle and rid my body of these seizures, whether through medicine or HIS healing touch right now.  Please, LORD!!!!  I need to stop because I can't see through the tears to type anymore!

Thank you, precious, faithful prayer warriors!  We love you!


  1. My heart aches for you. I'm praying that God will help the doctors figure out what is causing the seizures and help keep them under control of not rid you of them forever. Keep me on a back-up list if you ever need help. I'd love to help when I can!

  2. Oh, Meredith, I have tears in my eyes as I am writing this. I will pray for you and sweet P. Being a Mommy is such a gift, and I trust God that He does not plan to deny you this gift.

  3. My heart breaks for you. I am praying dear friend.

  4. My heart cries with you, sweet Meredith. Words fall so short in trials such as yours, but please know that we are lifting you in prayer. Please do call if there is ANYTHING I can do to help.

  5. Oh Meredith! I am SO sorry. It just brings me to tears to read this. I cannot imagine what all of this would be like. Not being able to be the one to comfort your child. I am praying right now that God makes it possible for you to do that. I pray that the doctors find a new avenue and that God would heal you. Love y'all!

  6. Meredith,

    Praying for you. It scares me to read your post BECAUSE Caleb and you sounds way to much alike. I know the nightmare we are living. We have "fixed allot of the episodes" with the 2 blood pressure pills but at times he is unable to "talk" and if he does it is very slow. Then he will come out of it. I still believe we have a low blood volume (and needs an IV) and that there is some oxygen problems. He looks like a 90 year old man at times out of his eyes. He can do so little... We are waiting the mitochondrial labs and he will need muscle biopsies. He is also going to get a implanted heart monitor. SO HARD TO SEE....

    I am praying that the IVIG treatments work for you and I am praying that the doctors hasn't missed something. GOD will get us through this nightmare...but it is so hard to see and go through!
    Take care,

  7. Meredith, I am praying for you tonight. I've not met you but a friend put a post on facebook about your family. Praying for you. thanks for your honesty and realness! Will definitely keep up with you now!