Move Me

IN thinking out today's post, I had in my mind excitement and peace and elation to share great news.  The news that is to come does in fact translate to all those, and it was what I will share in a moment that (as you might be reading through the lines) did come at us like a nasty curve ball. 


First, I met with the doctors that are over Princess' care early this morning and each one had a great report.  Nephrology said that Princess' kidneys are working great, doing what they are supposed to do, sodium levels are in fact stable and probably fair to say that the crashing of her sodium is probably contained and Princess does need to drink less fluid. 


Neurology came by next and reported that as of 9 PM last night Princess did not record a seizure.  Thus we were now nearly at 12 hours without a seizure after nearly 14 hours of continuous seizures.  That said, the goal now was to go 24 hours or so without a seizure, and then look to begin removing the sedation, get her back to breathing on her own and voila, we would be doing a wash, rinse, and repeat version of two weeks ago.


So today was a day to just feel at peace, much thanks to the Lord hearing your prayers.  I had incredible peace today and was well comforted that Princess' brain was finally resting.  So spending some time praying and thanking God, I began pouring through Psalms and even read aloud to Princess making the Scripture more personalized with our names, and pronouns. 


Psalm 30 for example is what we read together- We will extol You, O Lord, for you have lifted us up...O Lord my God, we cried to you for help, and You healed Meredith.  O Lord, you have brought up our souls from Sheol; You have kept Princess alive, that we would not go down to the pit.  We will sing praise to the Lord, and give thanks to His holy name... To you, O Lord, I called and to the Lord we made supplication...You have turned my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed my with gladness, that my soul, our souls may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever...


And from there other passages just flowed and truly it was a little sanctuary of praise in this little ICU room.  O taste and see that the Lord is good! 


So there was what was going to be today's post...


Around 5 or so our nurse came in and informed us that apparently Princess has in fact had several seizures today (even under heavy, heavy sedation as I mentioned yesterday) and that the Neurologist was going to come visit with me.  Somewhat surprised, I wrestled with what I knew would come next...a heavy dose of more seizure drugs, something Princess, with success, has worked so hard at reducing over these last two years. 


Our neurologist did come in around 5:30 and did break the news to me that she has had several seizures and with that would begin with a bolus dump of a particular drug.  This  would mean that Princess would in one dose experience a 900% increase of a drug that she has actually reduced by 95%.  Keep in mind that with her reduction she has had better control that what she has ever experienced in 11 years.  Hence, what was about to take place was a mentality that has been seen time and time again that if the symptoms or complications don't go away, you have to treat with more meds.  While this can be the case for some, in Princess' case, it has actually been shown and proven that sometimes less is best...


With further petition to the Neurologist, I wound up relenting in despair and decided to go with the plan and see how Princess would do over the next 12+ hours. 


O Lord, my rock, my redeemer....What should I do.  Matthew 6 says to seek the Lord first, and His righteousness.  Therefore, I took Princess' hand and began to pray and call upon the Lord.  Psalm 34 says that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  James 4:8 says "draw near to God and He will draw near to you."  And then I waited. 


And then "I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay. He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm." Psalm 40:1-2.  Restless with what I just agreed to, the peace that I had earlier in the day was gone and it was time to Trust in the Lord....and let His peace that transcends understanding rule. 


I would now at this time make the decision to stop the med from being introduced and keep Princess on her current regimen giving her more rest and let's see what the night would hold and revaluate come morning.  With this decision, I then reached out someone close with our care and fellow Brother in Christ, and he confirmed my approach...."Just give it more time..."


And then the words and prayer came to me as I now had a target on my back from the physician and staff for stopping the "plan." 

"There is a way that seems right to man, but its end is the way of death..." -Prov 14:12 Lord, give Princess more time and for you to be glorified. Though the doctor wants to go one way, I'm restless and want your input, Oh Lord. While I am standing in the way of their direction, their intervention, move me and my flesh if I'm acting out of your will. Princess needs your healing, provide as you see fit. In Jesus' name.

So, as I quickly posted and asked for your prayer, the above prayer is the resultant. 

So this evening and in the morning please pray:

• opportunity to connect with the Neurologist and it not be a confrontation.  That we would each have a mutual respect and understanding and that I would be able to effectively communicate and 11 year journey to someone who has only met Princess through a medical chart and over the course of two days.
• that Princess would go this evening, the next 12 hours seizure-free
• Continued peace. The burden of my decision became weighty and while I have peace, there is still a second guess.
• That Princess will heal from this and God will be glorified.
• Christ to be made known in this ICU unit. 
• Don't forget to pray for those that are around us.  Based upon the size of the crowd in the waiting room today, there are many that are grieving this evening.