From Connor's Mommy

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Christmas was wonderful, sharing time with family and friends.  Our children had a great time, though Connor was truly missed.   His big, enthusiastic, energetic personality had a way of lighting up a room, so we were reminded constantly of his absence.  In spite of this, we joyfully celebrated Jesus birthday and were grateful for God's cherished gift of our Saviour.

I realized this Christmas that I'm getting used to this new normal of no hospital trips, doctor visits, clinic visits, constant angst, chaos, fear and feelings of high adrenalin.  Over the last three weeks, three of my friends have been diagnosed with 3 different cancer diagnoses.  Now, I see my friends and their families scrambling and readjusting to their new normal.  Knowing some of what lies ahead for them, my heart aches for them.  I cry out to God to help them all through this.  I wish there were some way to take all of this away for them.  It's unbelievable how one's life can change in an instant.  One morning, you're healthy and the next morning, you are fighting for your life.

All of this has brought to the surface memories of Connor's battle with cancer.  There is so much suffering in this world.  Some people would use this as an excuse to believe that a good God does not exist.  We had a debate at our school a few weeks ago - an atheist versus a biblical scholar.  Does a good God exist?  The atheist has terminal cancer and he believes that his diagnosis is just more proof that there is not a good God.  I wish I could have 5 minutes alone with him.  His view is so skewed; it is so temporary.  We all face death.  Our bodies will one day give out, some sooner than others.  So, I'm not sure why he's mad at God for the cycle of life. Why would we stay angry at God for not providing us a temporary solution to our physical problems, when He has provided us an eternal solution for our spiritual lives?

I think we spend so much time looking at our lives through a physical perspective.  Teilhard De Chardin said "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience."  Our home here on earth is just an environment in which God is developing our spiritual life.  My friend, Brent, who was diagnosed with cancer about 2 weeks ago, looks at his cancer differently than the atheist with cancer does.  He shares with everyone that he is not afraid.  God has given him a peace about this, and he knows where he's headed.  His life is not terminal; it's eternal.  What a different perspective.

This holiday season, my friends have weighed heavily on my heart.  But their situation has brought with it a fresh gratitude to God for His salvation.  It has made this Christmas season that much richer, that much more appreciated.  The knowledge that Jesus birthday was just the beginning of God's grace being poured out onto all our lives brings joy to my heart in the midst of all this.  Because of this precious gift of salvation, I can still feel joy and peace, even when I miss my sweet Connor on Christmas morning.  So, I say thank you God for Christmas and what it means to me!  And, hopefully, what it means to you!

"Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

  II Corinthians 4:16-18

Always believing,

Joy Cruse