Joy's Journal 8/31/09

From Connor's Mommy:

Days continue to march on and the world continues to spin on its axis. It doesn't seem possible that everything continues in a normal way without our little ConCon here. But, it does. I know it will take some time to get used to our new normal, once again. Thank you for your continued prayers for us in this direction. We feel like God is cushioning us from the full impact of our loss. It seems as if we take it all in a little bit at a time, which is much more manageable for us all. Grief in small stages is certainly easier than handling it all at once.

Yesterday at church, Neil Jeffries, spoke to us about the little boy with 2 little fishes and five loaves of bread that Jesus used to feed over 5,000 people. John 6:9 says "Here is a boy." It sounds so simple, yet there is so much about this boy. He was insignificant, so much so that his name isn't even mentioned in the story. What he had was insufficient - it was not even close to being sufficient enough to feed 5,000 men. Yet, God used this little boy and what he had to offer to do a miracle that day on the shore of the Sea of Galilee. God used what was insignificant and insufficient and he did something mighty with it! He can do that in all our lives. It doesn't matter how much we have to offer, it only matters that we give Him ALL we have to give. The GIFT isn't as important as it is in whose HANDS we place the gift.

The whole time I was sitting listening to this message, I couldn't help but think of Connor. "Here is a boy" I thought to myself, who was insignificant and insufficient and look how God chose to use him. I'm still amazed everyday how I'm witnessing God's redemption of Connor's life. Countless people have told me how Connor has changed their lives, how he taught them to be strong and courageous, how he taught them to fight and remain faithful to God in all circumstances and how he taught them to pray. Even today, God is still using Connor. In the next few months, I'll be sharing with you the mighty ways that God is still using Connor to bring glory to His name. We have several things that are in the beginning stages. It is just amazing! The love and support of TeamConnor is another great example of how God is using Connor's life to make a difference for other children.

I know many times I feel insignificant and insufficient myself. I can't fathom how God can use me to do something great and significant. Connor and this story in the Bible will always remind me that I'm just the clay and God is the Potter. If I let Him, God can make something beautiful out of a piece of clay, out of something insignificant and insufficient like me.

"Yet, O Lord, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand."
Isaiah 64:8

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us."
2 Corinthians 4:7

Please continue to pray for Caden Ledbetter and McKenzie Mae as they need a miracle of healing, since the doctors don't have any curative treatments left for them. Also, please pray for Carson as he is having fear issues since Connor's passing. He's also having a hard time without his constant companion, ConCon.

Always believing,
Joy Cruse