I Love You & I'm Sorry!

In twenty years of marriage, we’ve learned that I Love You and I’m sorry are two of the most important phrases you can use each and every day!  For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).  So, that means that every single one of us messes up.  It doesn’t matter how right we think we are, because ALL have sinned.  God is the only perfect parent.  Jesus is the only perfect one in a relationship.  B & I have each learned this.  Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).  However, that doesn’t mean that I keep trying to sin because I think I’m right.  Saying, "I’m sorry," and meaning it are two different things.  We have also learned this in our marriage.  Just to say I’m sorry & not know what I’m sorry for, is just talk, not truth.  We each take the time to hear what we’ve done to hurt the other, process it, and then apologize.  Wow!!

In 45 years of life, I got to hear these words for the first time from someone that matters, but that I’ve never heard it from…My birth dad.  Yep, when I was sixteen I reached out to him because I had not seen him since I was four.  I said, “does it not matter to you that I’m your daughter?”  He said, “my daughter is a sweet little four year old and she’s dead to me.”  Ouch!!!  So, I was dead to my birth dad.  However, this year, we started to speak again.  This month, I asked him about those words.  He said, “I’m sorry.  I never should have said that.  I should have asked to get off the phone.”  He then asked for forgiveness again.  Wow!  There is so much healing in that phrase: I’m sorry! 

Then, last weekend, I got to hear him say, “Happy Birthday,” for the first time in 45 years!  Wow!!!!  How special! 

Thank you, Jesus, for forgiveness and love!!!

....and for flowers from your Dad!!!

20 Years to celebrate!!

Each year, I try to come up with some fancy words.  This year, I tried, but there are days that I don't even know my own name.  So, this was the post from 2020, 17 years of marriage and I believe that it still, on our 20th Wedding anniversary, still states my heart for how amazing my hubby is!!!!!!!!  

Growing up, I never had an example of what a man or loving husband should look like.  So, I had to turn to the Bible.  I'm so glad that I did because while I was talking to HIM (Jesus), he provided him (my hubby)!!

Please read the post from our 17th wedding anniversary so that you can see the amazing man after Christ that I'm blessed to call my husband, all by the grace of God!  Thank you, Jesus!!

I think it would also be cool if a bunch of you reached out to him to tell him how amazing he is & Happy 20th Anniversary!!!

 

Pallet Bearers

"This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."  

John 15:12-13

Throughout Princess' journey we have become dependent upon the support of family and friends.  Many of you who are reading these words have been in "the foxhole" with us and have provided rides and trips for Princess!  Thank you!  Over the last few weeks, Princess has remained on hospice and the help and encouragement have never been more needed!  A few friends have responded and it has been water for a thirsty soul!  As school has begun and some routine is beginning to be established, there is now a quiet, yet deafening lull…sadly, a reminder of the hurt, pain, inadequacies, and aloneness that can often come with this awful illness.  And while maybe you, too, can envision or even feel the souls anguish, we did want to pass along some encouragement. 

Before that, the update….

Princess is continuing to have a number of “push throughs” as we have come to ascribe a scale to her seizures.  A “push through” is relatively mild (at least by our definition); however, it is a seizure and still leaves Princess exhausted and tired.  More often than not, these events will be interruptions throughout the day, yet Princess can carry on.  None the less, exhausting!  A “seizure” is where Princess will physically put her head down, or lay down on the ground, often moaning and frequently lose awareness.  Upon the seizure completion, she is confused, exhausted and unaware of all that is taking place.  Usually, in about 10 minutes or so, she is okay with no recollection of the seizure that just occurred. However, having all these combined into a day, often numbering more than 10 in a day, leaves Princess helpless.  Additionally, her heart rate is soaring with her heart beating at night at nearly 120 beats per minute. Sitting in chair at home, 150+ beats per minute.  Stuck. 

The Lesson

Oh, to be a paralytic!  Although we don’t know fully how to handle what it means to be a paralytic, we can only imagine the heartache, the hurt, the loneliness that comes with that state.  And so it is with many who suffer with a debilitating illness.  While many things don’t work in the way you want them to….  While what used to be a simple task is now so daunting, you don’t…  When just trying to breathe, takes too much effort, Princess will tell you that just maybe those things that she experiences just might be a glimpse of someone in the Bible that, he too, was dependent upon others.   

Many of you know that we are blessed to attend church at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship.  Often, we describe the weekly message as “getting our teeth kicked in.”  Simply, Dr. Tony Evans can present the Bible and its message in such practical and simple ways that we leave spiritually full every week.  Additionally, as has been his practice for many years, he takes the month of August off for a sabbatical.  Making sure that the congregation is in good hands to still hear good, sound teaching, he will make sure to provide visiting pastors to come and preach.  This August has certainly not disappointed.  Why?  Dr. Evans pulled from the bench his very own son, Jonathan.  Jonathan is amazingly blessed and gifted in his own ways and has been challenging us with his own series, titled: the Message in the Miracles. 

On the first Sunday, Jonathan took us to the book of Mark, Chapter 2.  The Miracle?  The healing of the paralytic.  And while there was indeed a message in the miracle, Jonathan directed us to a verse that like us, maybe you have even overlooked.  Beginning in Verse 3 it says, “And they came, bringing to Him a paralytic, carried by four men. ⁴ Being unable to get to Him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above Him; and when they had dug an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic was lying.” 

Just being weeks removed from the hospital, Princess has found herself to be in a similar situation to the paralytic.  Stuck.  Dependent upon others for much.  And it was in this part of the message from Pastor Jonathan that the message hit home.  Four men…  While the passage doesn’t tell us exactly who these men were, the fact is, these four men surrounded the paralytic and went the extra mile.  They were there for him.  They literally were carrying him on his pallet.  Further, they knew what Jesus was able to do for their friend.  For them, it was to get their friend to the One that could heal.  As the passage goes on to state, these men, not being able to get to Jesus, decided to get their paralyzed friend up on the roof.  Climbing stairs, the men in front most likely had to awkwardly lean down going up the stairs, while the friends in the back had to lift their arms most likely or position the pallet on their shoulders so that a coordinated effort was done to not drop their friend.  And as Jonathan then also shared with us, the friends began to dig through the roof of this home.  Going through layer after layer, probably at this point exhausted, tired, breathing hard, and sweating, I would imagine.  All for the sake of a friend in need.  And what came of the friends’ effort?  Healing.  A miracle!

In our own world in the weeks following July 6^th, Princess has become weak; however, four friends, not coincidentally, yet providentially have in their own unique ways each been to her one of these four men all within that particular week.  It was after hearing this message that the Lord spoke to us and reminded us that He truly does care for us in a time of need.  Amen!  Each friend, four to be exact, made sacrifices to come to Princess in the middle of family time and amidst preparation for overseas travel… spend time over the phone when it was probably inconvenient and found an opportunity to be an encourager even in their time of need…to spending an entire day just listening and supporting, and crying with… and even break away from routine to spend some time to just hang.  And while we know in the end that the paralytic was healed and went home, I wonder if the four friends truly understood what they gave up to deliver their friend to a miracle?  I wonder if the four friends ever realized the change in trajectory they caused, that because of their faith in Jesus, the paralytic was not longer stuck.  I wonder if the four friends would do it again or perhaps do things differently?    

And therefore, for Princess, the same.  Proverbs 18:24 says, “there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”  Indeed, what great friends!  Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”  Praise the Lord for the four friends that stay with you when times are tough.  Praise the Lord for the friends who, yet we don’t know, are becoming our pallet bearers!  I know for Princess, her “four men” were an answer to prayer and a great encouragement!  She already misses them so much.  So, if you are stuck, may you be blessed with pallet bearers around you.  Not stuck?  If you see a friend, or for that matter, anyone in need, will you be their pallet bearer? 

 

Want to be encouraged further?  Check out Jonathan Evans’ message!

Borrowed Time

 "So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom."

Psalm 90:12

Welcome to the Foxhole!  Your checking in, encouragement, prayers, and support have been a true blessing.  The comments, personal messages, and follow ups have greatly lifted up Princess' spirits!  Thank you!  So it has been a few weeks now since we have been home.  While there is still an adjustment, or better, a relearning curve, Princess is strengthening- a testament to God and His power.  While we truly don't know what each day holds, we are counting each day as borrowed time.  God has provided Princess with a new passion for life and motherhood that is focusing her attention/our attention on maximizing her time with Critter and me.  Moses' prayer in Psalm 90 was a section of scripture that the Lord kept putting on my mind and heart while in the ER/ICU/Hospice.  Moreover, a prayer that the Lord would teach us to number our days!  While we are not promised tomorrow, we have a chance to make today count!  

James 4 echoes a similar sentiment that describes our lives as just a vapor- "appears for a little while and then vanishes away."  And it is this focus that Princess is learning to walk and live each day.  I am encouraged by her and it is a joy to see her determination and care for those in her life.  Along with her care (caring heart), your encouragement has meant a TON!  And, please know that she is grateful for every bit of encouragement.  One of the challenging moments for her in this season has been her memory loss.  Sadly, events from 20 years ago, to even just 10 minutes ago seem to be gone and have proven to be a struggle.  Moreso, this I think has been a struggle for Princess with her daily encounters with people.  Please know, if you do see Princess, make sure you remind her of your name as it might be a struggle for her to recall or find no matter how long you have known or her or believe that she knows your name.  While this is a discouragement for her, she truly does not want anyone to feel slighted with all the care and support that has ensued.  The joke that I will (very often) make is that "I have never messed up!"  And in all seriousness, it is a HUGE blessing as you come alongside of Princess.  

As many of you are new to the Foxhole, we'll also share that we are encouraged by your comments and check-ins.  Some have reached out and inquired about comments that may not appear.  Note for privacy reasons (through the blog), we do redact our names.  Albeit, hard to do in the current tech environment!  😀

Prayers:  Princess' memory, strength, and counting of days!  Each day is a blessing and as long as we have breath, it's an opportunity to glorify the Lord!  More time with Critter.  God's provision- spiritually, mentally, physically, financially.  

But God

 

“My flesh and heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Psalm 73:26