Update from Joy Cruse

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

My heart overflows with gratitude and love for all of you who have faithfully prayed for my son over the last 50 months, and now continue to pray for my family as it is now our turn to heal. The outpouring of love and support at the visitation and service was incredible. Thank you for honoring my son's life that way. Your words of encouragement and stories of how Connor has touched your lives has brought us such comfort as we walk through these difficult days. We can not thank you enough.

Many of you requested that I continue my blog. As always, these updates help me to heal and help me to work through the understanding of what God is teaching me. I will continue to update weekly to share how God is carrying us through this dark valley and how he is redeeming this situation. That is what He does, isn't it? Bring good out of something bad. Bring water to the desert and bring joy to our sadness. Our eyes and hearts are open to what He is accomplishing in our lives.

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Here's a letter I wrote to Connor for the service. One paragraph was read during the service, but here is the letter in its entirety.


Dear Connor, My valiant warrior,

I know as a mother, I am supposed to be the one who teaches her children; who imparts wisdom and insight for life. How is it then, that you were the one who taught me? You taught me how to enjoy life, with your radiant smile, your silly ways and your happy dance. You were always looking for an adventure, whether it was dodge ball in the back yard with your family, or sword-fighting with your friends in our fort or races in the halls of the hospital. Nothing could contain your love of life.

You taught me how to love. No one could pass by you without a hug from ConCon. You had a love that was irrepressible, it overflowed and was passed out to others as easily as you breathed. It was as if you knew you only had a short time with us, so you had to send out all your love in just 8 ½ years. Oh, how you made us feel special.

You taught me how to fight valiantly. How many times have I watched you suffer bravely through pain that would have caused most people to quit? How many times were you knocked down, only to rise again stronger the next time? You were so tenacious, never giving up. Even in the end, your body gave up before your fighting spirit did. You had the heart of a lion. You amazed the doctors from Dallas, to Boston, New York, Houston and even Guatemala. How many times was your prognosis not good, yet you continued your battle without a falter in your step. What a brave warrior you were. How could I not fight so hard for you, when your spirit was so strong?

You taught me how to dance in the rain. Although half of your life was spent battling this disease cancer, you never let it stop you from enjoying life. You never made room for complaining. You would be healing from surgery or recovering from chemotherapy and you would still show up at baseball practice. You wanted to experience it all. Nothing stopped you from absorbing all the joy possible. Even your last week with us, you went to Gatti town, the movie Ice Age, the bookstore, Lego store, the mall and your favorite restaurants. Live, enjoy, cherish! was your motto!

You taught me about faith and loving your Heavenly Father. You never once questioned God’s goodness during this journey. You always expected healing to come. You knew your Father would never leave you, nor forsake you. You wanted to tell the world about Jesus. Your words of encouragement to others battling cancer were, “Have courage and believe in Jesus.” That says it all. And that's what you did. You walked your talk.

I know that we have all said that you lost your battle with cancer last Friday. But, as I think about it, I realize you actually won the battle. We often think it is a tragedy when one so young passes away, but maybe we are looking at this all wrong. I think your REWARD, my sweet son, for your faithful, brave battle is that you are now dancing on golden streets in Heaven, holding Jesus’ hand. You have shed the pain and struggles that accompany a life on this earth and you are now rejoicing with the angels and feeling love like you’ve never known. How can that be any kind of battle lost?

Well done, my good and faithful son. We love you and will miss you. Enjoy your well-earned reward!

Always believing,
Joy