Memories

Well, we got back from my appt. in Houston late Monday night. We had the opportunity to meet with a couple that has undergone the surgery the docs are suggesting for me. We had a wonderful conversation with them, but it was still hard to imagine the reality of having my scalp removed and then part of my brain removed forever.

Then, we stayed with one of my precious friends that was in our wedding. She is a PA for the surgeon that would do the procedure. So, she is very familiar with the process. She was even familiar with the girl we had dinner with and remembered her case and participating in the surgery.

However, the trip was difficult for me. There are a lot of things that I don't mind forgetting in Rockwall. I prefer to create new memories here. However, there are some precious moments in our life that occured in Houston. One of my dearest friends lives there. She has a son that is eight months old. I don't recall knowing that she had a baby and had no idea what he looked like (I have apparently met him prior to this visit and have seen pictures of him). The minute we arrived at her house, I lost it when I saw him. It broke my heart to not remember him. How could anyone forget a precious face like this.

I remember her little girls because I have pictures all over my house of them. However, they have grown so much. I wish I could participate in their lives. The oldest is now reading (she's not even in Kindergarten yet). I knew her Mommy before she was born and so it's amazing to see the changes in her life. The next one is a doll. She is turning into such a little lady. She had on a dress that I did remember. I have a picture of her older sister wearing it in our front yard when we lived in The Woodlands. However, her Mom said that her big sister had spent the night with us when we took that picture. I don't recall that at all. Again, so frustrating to not remember such special moments.

The oldest is so smart. She knows how to use my phone and camera better than I do. She took almost all of the pictures that are posted today. The minute I walked in, they wanted to see the doggies. Since they didn't come with us, I was showing them pictures on my cell phone. She figured out how to scroll through my pictures on her own.

She turned my phone to me at one point and asked me who was in the picture. It was me kissing my Granny on her cheek once her spirit was already with our precious Lord and Savior. I don't remember that moment. So, it was so precious to be reminded, but so hard to swallow that the memory had disappeared.

I have precious memories of sitting in the chair in Granny's room that night in the hospital with Granny (our last Friday night slumber party-we used to always have Fri. night slumber parties). I sang "Amazing Grace" and "It is Well" to my Granny as she lay in ICU the next day. The last words out of her mouth (though intubated) were "Amazing Grace." When I returned home, after she passed away, I was reading some of the poems she wrote. I opened to a special one:

Amazing Grace

Last night as I lay sleeping, I dreamed it was judgment day.

I stood before Christ my Savior for my sins I had to pay.

My mind was working overtime and I didn’t know where to start.

I knew I had to tell the truth and it had to come straight from the heart.

I looked into my Savior’s face, as He put His hand in mine.

He said “Child, your sins have been washed away, they have been left behind.”

I said “Oh, thank you, Jesus, you did that just for me?”

There was no spoken words from Jesus, only a vision of Christ on Calvary.

I had entered the gates of Heaven and I put a smile upon my face.

Now I could sing out loud that beautiful hymn “Amazing Grace”.

Well, I was only dreaming, but the dream I had was real.

I know I’m a child of God, that’s exactly how I feel.

I will be accepted when Christ puts out His hand.

He will lead me straight to Heaven and that promised land.

My message I leave to my family and friends, and the ones I love.

Live each day for Jesus and someday I’ll meet you in Heaven up above.

Love,

Rita, Mother, Granny, Aunt and Friend

February 11, 2006

Obviously, I have jumped way off track in the post here, but that was the memory that came to me when I saw that sweet picture of my Granny. Then, my sweet friend asked her little girl what song they've been singing from Granny's funeral. Her sweet little girl began to sing "Amazing Grace." So, it was a tearful and tough moment. After she sang, she went and got me a napkin for my tears. What a precious heart!

Then, some sweet friends of theirs, from Korea, came over...We knew this precious family while we were in Houston. However, once again, it broke my heart as I was reminded that we have a little Korean angel somewhere (whether born or not). I can avoid the memory here. However, seeing her son's precious Korean eyes and her beautiful pregnant belly, with another little Korean beauty on the way, was hard. I know the Lord has a plan in all of this. The trip to Houston just made it very hard to swallow. I want to remember my life and the precious moments the Lord has allowed, yet so many of them are missing.

Will you please pray for my memory, but even moreso, a peace in my heart about my health and the changes it is causing in our everyday life?

I have taken up way too much space in this post. So, I will do another post about the visit with the doctor later today.