Haylie update - Dec 13
I am sitting in Haylie’s room as she tries to sleep and I finally have a chance to give an update. I have to be honest. It has been a really tough week. Much worse than I was expecting. It is so hard to watch her go through the pain and side effects of the really strong chemo. She told me that she hates chemo worse than cancer. She started the last bad phase of her treatment last Thursday. She was just so sick by that afternoon. Saturday and Sunday she was just so weak that we couldn’t go anywhere. We missed all the events we had hoped to make, the Nutcracker, the baseball Christmas party and church.
Monday was by far the toughest day for me. We had to go back in for her next chemo shot and Haylie had simply had enough. She was laying on the couch and I told her we had to get dressed to go and she looked me in the eyes and simply said NO. I told her I know she didn’t feel good, but we had to get ready so we aren’t late and she just said NO again. Y’all it was such a struggle. She had reached her limit and frankly I was close to the line myself. It is so hard to force your child to get dressed and get in the car to go back to the hospital to get more pokes and shots and medicine that have awful side effects.
We made it, but just barely. I just had to sit down and pray for strength. I ended up giving her a long speech about how marathon runners say the last few miles are the hardest. We are in the last few miles and they are proving to be the hardest. We are almost there, we can’t give up now because we are so close to the finish line. I think I was telling it to myself as much as to her, but it worked. She got up, got dressed and in the car. She really amazes me. She doesn’t even realize how strong she is becoming.
While we were in the hospital waiting room I nearly lost it while watching The Incredibles. Seriously, Disney’s the Incredibles. It was the scene where the Mom was flying the plane over the ocean and they were being shot down by missiles. I could see the desperation on her face and hear it in her voice and I felt the same way at that moment. The enemy was attacking her, just like I felt he was attacking me. At the last minute, the Mom aborts the cockpit and rushes to shield her children as the plane explodes. I knew that a mother would do almost anything to protect her children and she was helpless in that moment. I felt so helpless too. I felt there was nothing I could do to make Haylie feel better as she laid there in pain about to get more. When the Incredibles Mom was yelling at her kids to pull it together, I felt like she was talking directly to me. It was all I could do to not burst into tears. I guess Haylie and I were both emotionally drained after being so sick over the weekend. We are running on fumes again, getting very little sleep at night because she is in such pain. I think I had about 4 hours combined sleep that night and not much more since then. I feel like we are back in the newborn stage. We got through the sleep deprivation then, and God will get us through this as well.
The rest of the week has been about the same. She is just so weak, but getting stronger. I found out it is the high dose steroids that are making her body ache so badly. She finished the last dose for a few days today so I’m hopeful that she will feel better tomorrow. She does have Peanut by her side to make her feel better.
We go back to the hospital in the morning for another round of the bad stuff. 😩. We could certainly use your prayers. I plan on celebrating the end of this phase in a big way. It will be a huge accomplishment for all of us. The harder the challenge, the greater the victory. We are almost there...8 weeks to go.
#HealingForHaylie
I am sitting in Haylie’s room as she tries to sleep and I finally have a chance to give an update. I have to be honest. It has been a really tough week. Much worse than I was expecting. It is so hard to watch her go through the pain and side effects of the really strong chemo. She told me that she hates chemo worse than cancer. She started the last bad phase of her treatment last Thursday. She was just so sick by that afternoon. Saturday and Sunday she was just so weak that we couldn’t go anywhere. We missed all the events we had hoped to make, the Nutcracker, the baseball Christmas party and church.
Monday was by far the toughest day for me. We had to go back in for her next chemo shot and Haylie had simply had enough. She was laying on the couch and I told her we had to get dressed to go and she looked me in the eyes and simply said NO. I told her I know she didn’t feel good, but we had to get ready so we aren’t late and she just said NO again. Y’all it was such a struggle. She had reached her limit and frankly I was close to the line myself. It is so hard to force your child to get dressed and get in the car to go back to the hospital to get more pokes and shots and medicine that have awful side effects.
We made it, but just barely. I just had to sit down and pray for strength. I ended up giving her a long speech about how marathon runners say the last few miles are the hardest. We are in the last few miles and they are proving to be the hardest. We are almost there, we can’t give up now because we are so close to the finish line. I think I was telling it to myself as much as to her, but it worked. She got up, got dressed and in the car. She really amazes me. She doesn’t even realize how strong she is becoming.
While we were in the hospital waiting room I nearly lost it while watching The Incredibles. Seriously, Disney’s the Incredibles. It was the scene where the Mom was flying the plane over the ocean and they were being shot down by missiles. I could see the desperation on her face and hear it in her voice and I felt the same way at that moment. The enemy was attacking her, just like I felt he was attacking me. At the last minute, the Mom aborts the cockpit and rushes to shield her children as the plane explodes. I knew that a mother would do almost anything to protect her children and she was helpless in that moment. I felt so helpless too. I felt there was nothing I could do to make Haylie feel better as she laid there in pain about to get more. When the Incredibles Mom was yelling at her kids to pull it together, I felt like she was talking directly to me. It was all I could do to not burst into tears. I guess Haylie and I were both emotionally drained after being so sick over the weekend. We are running on fumes again, getting very little sleep at night because she is in such pain. I think I had about 4 hours combined sleep that night and not much more since then. I feel like we are back in the newborn stage. We got through the sleep deprivation then, and God will get us through this as well.
The rest of the week has been about the same. She is just so weak, but getting stronger. I found out it is the high dose steroids that are making her body ache so badly. She finished the last dose for a few days today so I’m hopeful that she will feel better tomorrow. She does have Peanut by her side to make her feel better.
We go back to the hospital in the morning for another round of the bad stuff. 😩. We could certainly use your prayers. I plan on celebrating the end of this phase in a big way. It will be a huge accomplishment for all of us. The harder the challenge, the greater the victory. We are almost there...8 weeks to go.
#HealingForHaylie
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