From Connor's Mommy

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

When Connor was battling cancer, especially during his last six months, it would just kill me to see him suffer.  I felt the suffering right along with him.  My heart actually ached when I looked at his sweet face, and his body just wasting away before my eyes.  I think that was really where I questioned God the most.  How can you let this sweet child suffer like this?  It was inhumane.  I have often thought to myself that one of my first questions to Jesus when I see Him is "why such suffering?"  And then, I wonder, when I see His face, if I will even care anymore.  Or, will all those thoughts and pains just disappear at the sight of His face?  I imagine it's like forgetting the pains of childbirth once you hold your child in your arms.  The song "It's Gonna Be Worth It All" by Rita Springer is about this very thing... How our earthly troubles will be worth it when we see His face.

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways
Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing That the sight of Your face Is all that I need I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

I'm quoting II Corinthians 4:17 again.  "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."  I wish I could have been there when Connor saw Jesus for the first time.  I'm sure that the pain and discomfort he had been feeling for several months were all forgotten at the sight of His face.  I'm sure that Connor felt like it was all worth it ... just to see His face!

In Revelation, John speaks of the coming tribulations and suffering of Christians for the sake of Jesus' name.  He encourages them all to be conquerors in all these trials, and they will receive a reward beyond their comprehension.  The reward will be worth the cost.  "Do not fear what you are about you suffer.  Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation.  Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.... The one who conquers, I will grant him to sitwith me on my throne." Revelations 2:10 and 3: 21     I can just hearConnor whispering to me, "Mom, trust me.  It's gonna be worth it!!!"

Always believing,

Joy Cruse