Very Belated Post from Connor's Mommy

Friday, February 12, 2010

Many times, I've thought to myself, it's just not fair. It's not fair that Tait and I had to lose our beloved son when he was only 8 years old. It's not fair what Connor had to endure - the pain, the hospital stays, the years of treatments. It's not fair that Kenzie, Carson and Mason have to grow up without their brother, ConCon. It's not fair that these children should have to battle this horrible, dreadful disease. It's just not fair! I want to demand what is fair and right. If everything were fair, everything would be great, right? As I continue to think about fairness, I realize there's another side to this coin. What would life really be like if everything was fair? What would I receive if I only got what was fair? What would I deserve? Would I deserve my great family of believers who have stood by us for 4½ years? Would I deserve all the blessings that God has poured out on me? Would I deserve to be the mother of such precious children? Did I deserve those 8½ cherished years with my beautiful, inspiring Connor? How did God choose to give me the honor of being Connor's mom? How did I win that lottery? I love the following quote. It reminds me to not focus on the "unfairness" that Connor is gone now, but to focus on the fact that he was mine for a time. "Don't cry because it's over, SMILE because it happened." If we really think about it, what do we really deserve, if life was truly fair. In a life of pure fairness, some of our pain would be gone, but then again, so would some of our blessings. A life of fairness would bring justice, but not mercy. It would bring judgment, not forgiveness. It would bring me ALL that I deserve, and when I think about my sinful life - I don't think I deserve all the blessings, forgiveness and mercy that have been poured out over me. Maybe, what is better than fairness, is GRACE. GRACE would ensure blessings when we don't' deserve them and would carry us through the dark moments. GRACE would ensure forgiveness when we don't' deserve it. GRACE would allow us to be rescued from our sin for ALL time. So, I've quit wishing for a life of fairness and I've started praying for an abundance of Grace! "Let us then approach the throne of GRACE with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find GRACE to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16 Please continue to pray for our sweet friends who are facing the harsh reality that God's Healing Touch is their one true hope, because modern medicine is not offering any right now... Mike Phillips, Westin Deitz and Carson Richardson (he's in Guatemala right now with Dr. Rodriguez). Always believing, Joy Cruse