M Update: From Me

Well, I figured it was high time for me to actually be the one writing an update. I must start with saying how blessed we are to have such amazing prayer warriors on our team!! Wow!! You have all been so selfless and taken time out of your busy days/lives to petition the Lord on my behalf and to get me on prayer lists all over the world. It has truly humbled me.

I have felt the Lord's love through each of you. There have been many times that I've wondered if the Lord could hear me crying out to HIM, begging for healing. Soon after, I would get an e-mail or card from one of you that was clearly Him encouraging me that He does hear me. Yes, my plea was for healing at that exact moment and we haven't seen that happen completely, but you have each served as reminders to me that He can hear me, He loves me, and He has a plan.

What I'm having to negotiate in my brain right now is why the healing can't be immediate. Yet, through encouragement from y'all, my heart keeps reminding me that there is a plan that I just can't see. As B would say, I just need to be patient. I'm a planner and so I'm already thinking about tomorrow (okay, next year) and my amazing husband keeps reminding me that tomorrow has enough worries of its own (Matt. 6:34). Remember, this is the man that when diagnosed with cancer, the first words out of his mouth were, "cool, this means I get to be a cancer survivor." Wow!! So, having him on my team is such an encouragement. I am by no means a patient person and so this has been a challenge for me. Obviously, two years of feeling like crud, with up to 25 of these episodes (I'm still learning to call them seizures) each day, is hard to endure. Even harder was getting a diagnosis last week, going three days without any "episodes" and then it all starting back up with more intensity.

I was reshospitalized on Tuesday so that the doc could monitor me more closely and make sure we had the right dose of anti-seizure medication. I was hooked back up to the EEG (it's a lovely look, by the way, having wires coming from every direction on your head), and they started increasing my meds. I had one the first night when I got there and two the next day. So, each time the doc came in to see me, he kept increasing my dose. I told him that what stinks about having a pharma rep as a patient is that I actually read the package insert and all the studies they've done. So, I know the dose he has me on is much higher than anything that's ever been studied and so we were really pressing him to make sure we were making the right decisions with all of the increases. He said that he feels it is safe to take it this high (though I may experience some more intense side effects) b/c "the goal is to never have another seizure."

So, I am experiencing some more side effects than I might otherwise experience. Exhaustion, dizziness, nausea, and hand tremors are the big ones I'm experiencing now. We are praying they subside quickly, too. I came back home yesterday and continue to be blessed by all of you with your e-mails, cards, meals, etc. A big prayer request that I have right now is for my sanity as I am not allowed to drive until I have been seizure-free for six months. Likewise, I'm not allowed to shower, cook, etc., by myself. So, your prayers and meals continue to be such a blessing. Several of you have asked that we resend the link our Sunday School class established for those that want to sign up for meals: http://scking.net/abf/index.php/Foxes
It is so humbling to me that you would want to serve us in this way, as it is so frustrating to me to not be able to cook for my sweet husband who has amazed me with his love and servant's heart for me during this time. I would be remiss if I didn't also mention how wonderful my Mom has been through this, as well. She and B have both sacrificed so much to be with me at the hospital, doctor's appts., etc. Thank you, Lord!!

Something else I believe the Lord has used to encourage me was (here comes cheesy) the final performance on American Idol Wednesday night...Shout to the Lord

My Jesus, My Savior
Lord there is none like You
All of my days
I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love

My Comfort, My Shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
Let every breath
And all that I am
Never cease to worship You

Shout to the Lord
All the earth Let us sing
Power and majesty
Praise to the King
Mountains bow down
And the seas will roar
At the sound of Your Name

I sing for joy
At the work of Your hands
Forever I'll love You
Forever I'll stand
Nothing compares
To the promise I have in You

The last seizure that I had was Wednesday night a few minutes before this song started. I can't help but focus on the words of this song and the Lord using it to encourage me that HE is in control. If "mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of His name," then seizures have nothing on my God!!! It is hard for me to stand up due to the POTS and the side effects of the medication, but "forever I'll stand" because "nothing compares to the promise I have in HIM!!"

Thank you all for your love, encouragement, meals, & most importantly, prayers!

because of HIM,

Me